Which Member of Willliamsburg’s Autoharp Ensemble “Zither and Yon” is Fucking My Wife?
If the state of my pillow covers means anything, this douchebag uses a ton of mustache wax. That narrows it down to eleven out of the fifteen band members.
Tag: Music
Cat Hate Metal
I’m Washing My Butt! I’m Washing My Balls! Dogs are Gay! Humans can stiff my Litterbox! Cat Scratch Feces! Give you Brain Damage! I Hate Fish! I Hate Birds!
Rising Indie Band Seeking New Bandmate Who Interviews Well
We need a new bandmate who can lead an interview. WE CAN'T DO IT!! MUSICAL TALENT IS NOT REQUIRED TO JOIN THIS BAND. In fact, please ONLY be charming.
The Donald Trump Rap
"I will build a great wall - nobody builds walls better than me." Take a look around, "I am the least racist person there is." I simply think black people shouldn't have kids.
Hip Hop Tips for Tax Season
Taxes can be complicated, but most people don't realize there are tons of benefits they can receive that H&R Block won't touch with a wooden stick! Haha! Hova!
An Honest Spotify Commercial Interlude
$9.99 a month for practically infinite music at your fingertips is a luxury YOU JUST CAN'T AFFORD. Now, tell me, what do you really see in so much Pitbull?
Drunk Playlist Generator (Just Add Vodka)
I've configured my playlist according to wordplay generated from wildly-named music artists, creating one continuous musical mash-up matrix. Just add more vodka.
Your Band Literally Rocked My Face Off—Now What?
Dear Crimson Caricatures, long-time fan and former face owner. That's right, your first song's guitar solo melted my face clean off my skull.
I am the Mysterious “6th Beatle”
The world knows George, John, Ringo, Paul, and the apparent nine "5th Beatles." Well I am Henry J. Bradleighman of Bangladesh, the mysterious "6th Beatle."
Welcome to Heaven, You Now Play the Harp
Welcome to Heaven! As I'm sure you can see, we're really quite busy. We hope this pamphlet answers all of your questions about your new musical eternity.
10 Less-Popular Relaxation Soundscapes
Sure, most people find birds chirping and rain falling to be relaxing, but what about the whackos who prefer more unusual background sounds like Jenga blocks falling?
Hell’s Playlist: 23 Classic Hits Ruined by Repetition, Part 2
For weeks on end I endured my boss's hellish radio station, with the most narrow-minded playlist of the same fifty or so recycled "super gold hits" on endless rotation.