Managing the Growing Expectations and Emotional Burden of Three Spotify Playlist Subscribers
While my playlist has exploded, so too have the expectations of my fans. Artistically, I’m under pressure. Personally—I’m in the danger zone.
Tag: Music
An Oral History of the Monster Mash
Igor: The Lab was like a Studio 54 for ghouls and goblins, before we could be open about who we are. We were always coming up with new dances.
The Unauthorized Biography of Barky Malone
The book mentions a reoccurring nightmare of his, where Bigfoot would chase him across an endless plain, demanding he fill out a brief survey.
I’m Mozart, Damnit, Don’t Just Leverage Me for Studying
My music isn't something you stomach for the sake of increased brain function. Save that for the cod liver oil.
We Are Going into a Bubble for My Adult Guitar Recital
With the help of a team of epidemiologists and many lawyers, I’m confident you’ll be able to safely watch me play “Last Nite” by The Strokes.
Best of the ’90s ’50s!
Remember when you had it made in the shade? When you and your lady could cut a rug all night long? That's right, it was the 1990s.
Are You There God? It’s Me, Your 4th Grader’s Recorder
Please don’t reopen school. I won’t be able to make it another year with those behemoths suffocating me with their skeevy, pudgy fingers.
If Rick Allen Can Drum for Def Leppard with One Arm, Then Surely I Can Install This Backsplash
A poorly installed backsplash could actually DECREASE the value of my home, but did Rick Allen hire some “licensed professional” to do his drumming?
The Top 8 Pop Songs of the CIA’s Back Catalog
"Guantanamo," The Beach Boys (2005). This re-make of "Kokomo" failed to rebrand Guantanamo Bay as the Key Largo of military detention facilities.
Routine of a Quarantined Nice Guy
He might be stuck inside but this fella is still capable of making dozens of women uncomfortable, from the comfort of his own home!
The PDX Protest Festival Lineup
A rundown of all the groups scheduled to appear at Portland's nightly protest, including Average Wife Band and They Might Be Half-Brothers.
Top 5 Items to Steal from the Medicine Cabinet of Grammy Award-Winning Artist Paul Simon
Paul’s Empty Advil Container That He Repurposed to Hide His State Quarters: Cast the pill bottle aside and fill your pockets with the beautiful coins.