I’m Proud of Forcing My Father out of Retirement to Support My Career as an Influencer
I first had to ask for money after I blew most of our family’s inheritance on boat trips with Kylie Jenner’s second cousin.
Tag: New York
Where in the Hell Did Alan Dershowitz Get His Ideas?
“Article II Looks Good On You” (The Journal of Bizarre Constitutional Arguments, December 2012)
Pitchfork Reviews People in My Life
A Woman I Went On Two Great, Early-In-The-Game Dates With: An incredible, staggeringly original human being who just appeared on the dating scene. 9.3
It’s Me, Female Action Protagonist, Here to Solve Sexism
My backstory is abuse, the type doesn’t matter. Bullies, a family member, a boyfriend who is so overwhelmingly not in my league.
Ignatius J. Reilly: The Later Rants
Nixon Resignation (1974): Oh, Fortuna, the revolutions of your wheel pile even the masters into the muck.
Wait, Michael Bloomberg Is Now “Mike” Bloomberg?
Previously criticized Medicare-for-all as unaffordable. That's a hard "Michael." Announces "it's a JEEP day!" when the weather is nice. Solid "Mike."
It’s Hard Being a Barbarian Hero in Downtown Manhattan
“Your plight reached me on LinkedIn: the posting spoke of your lamentation, of your need for a Client Data and Management Information Co-Ordinator!”
Royalty-Free Podcasts So You Don’t Have to Hear Another Quip Ad
Celebrity Talking Over Celebrity: For those of you wondering, what’s that actor from that movie doing these days? Well… it’s this!
Your Holiday Guide to Not Supporting Local Artists
Enjoy this quaint seasonal attraction while skillfully dodging pesky shop attendants!
Mom, Dad, I’m Dropping out of School, Moving to New York, and Pursuing My Dream of Being the Mayor of New York
The mayor scene is great in New York. The best in the world. There are tons of small elections that are friendly to newcomers.
Congratulations on Securing a Saggy Bed and Creaky Desk at Our Artist Colony!
This residency is fully funded and exists in an alternate universe where the words fully funded do not mean we give you funds.
Slogans from the MTA’s Expanded “See Something, Say Something” Campaign
If you SEE something delicious, SAY “that looks yummy!” If you SEE something nutritious, SAY “I think I’ll go back to the yummy thing from earlier.”