Updating Christmas Stories and Songs for the Modern World
"It’s A Wonderful Life": George and Mary’s kids, Pete, Janie, Tommy, and Zuzu, all die because George and Mary refused to have them vaccinated.
Tag: New York
Thanks a Lot for Dumping Me, Your Big-City Fiance, In This Hallmark Holiday Movie
I didn’t know that a first date at a restaurant was inferior to slipping on ice in your heels and falling into the arms of your high school ex.
Upcoming Hallmark Christmas Movies for the 2018 Season
"The Christmas Countdown": A group of photogenic children frolic by a fireplace and repeatedly exclaim "It's almost Christmas!" for 87 minutes.
New York City Sights to See During Your Next Emotional Breakdown
Your emotional stability is hanging by a thread? Well, so is the Dow Jones Industrial Average, baby!
How to Let Your Child Know You’re Not Mad She Wants to Be an English Major, Just Disappointed
When she says she'll study “lesbian themes in Dickinson,” raise your eyebrows to remind her “your brother studied computer science and has a 401K.”
[Title Blocked Until You Pledge To My Patreon]
Yes, I sold ad space at the end of that paragraph. Yes, I know that the end of the first paragraph is traditionally where the humorous premise goes.
I Have a Guy for Everything
I drink cheap, too! I’ve got a really generous guy who works as a bartender and he’ll usually pour me a few rounds for free, after I’ve encouraged him to have 7 or 8 himself.
Thank You for Rescuing Me From This Trash Can I’ve Stuffed Myself Into to Write a Novel
Imagine a book written entirely in uncomfortable places with completely unconventional materials. Genius, isn’t it?
When is the Best Time to Visit New York?
There are three distinct rivers in New York summers: the Hudson, the East, and the one continuously flowing down into your ass crack.
Conditions Under Which President Trump Will Agree to an Interview with the Special Counsel
The President shall enjoy full immunity while patting his head and rubbing his stomach at the same time.
Reviews of Office Scents
Inhale deeply, for you must use the communal microwave to reheat your leftover risotto, which will add another layer to the complex scent.
How Not to Be a Shitty Witch in New York City
Know which spell you’re going to cast on the deli counter guy before you get to the front of the line. It’s unreal that some of you still do this.