A Very Professional Wine Critique
When tasting a wine, I like to start three feet away from the wine glass and write down my first impressions from my eyes and beloved, all-telling nose.
Tag: Observations
Sleep Apnea: The Art of Choking on Your Own Throat
If I'm prescribed a sleep apnea mask, maybe I'll be able to get through my day without 7 cups of coffee. 7 cups is a normal amount, right?
Exactly How “Sincerely” Did You Mean in Your Email?
With so many email sign-offs to choose from, none of which bear any relation to the way you talk in real life, even to ladybirds and Mormons, which should you opt for?
The National Burger Ban
"Eating an occasional value meal is fine, but super-sizing it simply puts you and others in danger," a Big Mac spokesman elaborated.
How Fat Monk Syndrome Changed My Life
Monks used to represent every lifestyle I could only dream about and deride myself for being too unfocused to embrace. Now I just feel bad for extreme lifestyle people.
In Defense of Mansplaining
What can one do when legitimately tasked with explaining an abstract concept to a woman of demonstrably inferior intelligence?
Guitar Shop Man Doesn’t Want You to Buy a Guitar
Why does Guitar Shop Man seem like he's on a mission to thwart you from buying a new guitar? Because he's scared you'll become a pro and crowd the space even more.
I Already Regret Receiving This Blowjob
Have you ever noticed how confident women are in their ability to give a man oral pleasure? Well ladies, sorry to say, but a lot of you are terrible at blowjobs.
German is a Lazy Language
I get that a lot of languages sound silly when translated literally, but German really takes the cake. Here are ten hilariously adorable German words into English.
Ending “At the End of the Day”
"At the end of the day" is, at the end of the day, one of those phrases like "it is what it is" that we need to eradicate from our daily lives.
I’m an Obnoxious White Hipster Who Never Really Liked Prince, Now What?
I fit every criteria for a stereotypical Prince lover: I'm white, and I'm an obnoxious hipster. But I can't help shrugging and letting out a pithy "meh."
Make Gotham Great Again!
Fear and suspicion of undocumented immigrants has led to a showdown of sorts, with billionaire Bruce Wayne leading the aggression against the alien from Krypton.