Worst Opening Lines from Bad Fiction Novels
Once again, it's time to submit entries to the 31st annual Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Writing contest! This year I'm hoping to be judged insufficient enough to take top prize.
Tag: Observations
Welcome to McDoctor, May I Take Your Symptoms?
What if going to the doctor was like getting your car washed? You drive in and latch your tires on those rails and the conveyor pulls you into that tunnel.
How the Internet Ruined Hot Dogs for Everyone
According to the internet, hot dogs are trying to kill everyone. But how much merit does the viral news of the hot dog's tendency to cancerify children's bodies carry?
My Favorite Moments of Family Holiday Chaos
Famarchy: The (arguably amusing) utter chaos into which your offbeat loved ones inevitably descend within the first 12-18 hours of each ill-fated reunion.
Why Third World Countries Have So Much Trash
If these people are so poor, where's all the garbage coming from. Don't you have to have belongings first in order to have trash? I have a theory on where it all comes from.
An Open Letter to People Who Do Not Put PowerPoints into Presentation Mode
Are you afraid that some sort of natural disaster will happen if you can’t always see which slide is on deck? What IS IT exactly that you have against presentation mode?
It’s 2015 and I Don’t Use Twitter
“You’re not on Twitter!?” People look at me like I still have Tom in my Top 8. Suddenly I’m Stone Age, old school, even a little rebellious. I’m an outcast, a recluse.
How to Look for the Positive in Everything But the Test Results
We can all look back at ourselves and choose to regret or be embarrassed by what we've done, or we can say, "I met a lot of interesting people in that cult."
How White Couples React When a Black Man Shows Up
White guys don't seem to understand that, as a black guy, I probably only want to honestly steal your girlfriend about 10% of the time. Keep an open mind, dudes.
An Open Letter to Filmmakers from a Critic
You filmmakers always say the same thing: "Make your own film if you're such an expert!" Well guess what, I don't NEED to. I have snark and a cultural studies degree.
The Real Cowboy Days were Horrible
So you wish you'd been a cowboy huh? You think riding around on horses was simple? HELL NO. Neither was dying from just about everything possible.
Business Networking: The Road to Nowhere
Thirty years after the deluge of college advice to "network network network," I conclude that networking is overrated, intractable, and something to be avoided.