Calling All Game Changers
Game changing is the in-vogue phrase to use to sound "with it," to describe something that, whether a game changer or not, gets labeled a game changer.
Tag: Observations
Why Politicians Will Never Get Any Better
Politicians don’t seem like real people, but the terrifying thing is, they are. They’re not the best we’ve got, but they’re the best we’re ever going to get.
An Open Letter to the Kid Who Wears a John Belushi “College” Sweatshirt on the First Day of Classes
We all know that the DVD copy of Animal House that you brought to college was given to you as a present by your younger sister the day before you left.
The Religious Dream Team Starting Lineup
Like the 1992 Men's Olympic Basketball Team, if we take the best parts of every religion to form one "Dream Team Religion," I'd actually consider being a part of that.
How Chocolate Cake in Las Vegas Sentenced a Man to Death
When you are fat, death is your closest friend. This week I battled my fat phobias while in Las Vegas, where I ate the biggest, most decadent piece of cake imaginable.
Be Thankful for Farts
At 29, I am convinced that farts are just as humorous as they were when my father first asked me to pull his finger. May your sense of smell remain just as light-hearted.
Why the News is Your Most Glamorous Enemy
The news has grown into an entertainment feature in and of itself, and not in a "laugh at all the corpses and thank fuck that bomb didn't go off here" kind of way.
2014 as It Happened in a Parallel Universe
Although the year 2014 in our universe would make anyone consider turning into one of those "Doomsday Preppers" nutjobs, it was a different story in Zborft.
Don’t Bother Losing Weight in 2015
For losing 40 pounds I gained respect. For gaining a few back my critics are back, and they are appropriately skeptical: we should all be wary of unpredictable people.
How Much Denim is Appropriate for the Holidays?
While you're sipping the sugary egg nectar known as "nog," take a moment to look down below your torso. What type of textile is trimming your thighs? Thought so.
A Modern Report on Old People
My grandfather passed away recently, and it's been very hard on me. He taught me so much, like "righty tighty and lefty loosey."
Your Cat Hates You, Guaranteed
Your cat views you as its food whore and excretion technician during the day. At night, your cat sits in the dark like an egg-laying hen, fantasizing your end days.