Court’s a Stupid Name Anyway
What sort of name is Court anyway? I mean, do ruffians play that uncouth game of basketball on you? Do they? I mean come on, that's a stupid name.
Tag: Observations
Planet Earth: No Vacancy
In the last 40 years, there's been over 4 billion of us thrown out of the safety and warmth of our mother's canal in order to cling to this shitty rock and be miserable.
I Was Good in Bed, Right?
Can you hear my grunts? Can you feel how slippery my body has become? The truth is, this is more than sex to me.
Cool, You Dyed Your Hair
So you shaved the sides of your head and you dyed the top of your head purple. Congratulations, you are now different! But we can all see right through you.
Owl Facts
No doubt Owl is one of the most interesting birds that exist in this universe. It is responsible not only for social media, but a boyfriend's enraged jealous face.
It’s Monday, And I Want to Fire a Harpoon Gun at Anyone Who’s Chipper
It's Monday, and I've created a game where you put some humility into hyperbole and tell people how Mondays really make you feel.
Figuring Out the Origin of the Universe is a Waste of Time and Space
I have no idea whether the big bang theory is valid, I just don't think it matters, other than as a good excuse to not do work.
I Shop at Target for the Hot Moms
Walmart has better prices and Kohl's has better selection, but Target has way hotter moms. And it might be part of a flawless marketing strategy to attract men.
No, Really, This is Fate We’ve Been on the Same Subway Before
You remember me, right? We made eye contact on the G train two months ago. I was wearing my somewhat-ironic DARE shirt. No bells ringing?
Attention Teenage Terrorists: 72 Virgins are Wildly Overrated
Our Protestant mindset is so obfuscated by other fundamentalisms that we don't see the obvious: we have to show these Muslim teens that virginity is overrated.
An Open Letter to My OkCupid Stalker
Remember me? I don't want to brag, but you checked out my OkCupid profile every day for months before finally messaging me with "wink…wink… what’s your bra size."
Hey You, Give Me a Job
I deserve a job. I'll take literally any job. Although I might be abusing the already abused word "literally" there, because what I mean is "not just ANY job."