Be Thankful for Farts
At 29, I am convinced that farts are just as humorous as they were when my father first asked me to pull his finger. May your sense of smell remain just as light-hearted.
Tag: Observations
Why the News is Your Most Glamorous Enemy
The news has grown into an entertainment feature in and of itself, and not in a "laugh at all the corpses and thank fuck that bomb didn't go off here" kind of way.
2014 as It Happened in a Parallel Universe
Although the year 2014 in our universe would make anyone consider turning into one of those "Doomsday Preppers" nutjobs, it was a different story in Zborft.
Don’t Bother Losing Weight in 2015
For losing 40 pounds I gained respect. For gaining a few back my critics are back, and they are appropriately skeptical: we should all be wary of unpredictable people.
How Much Denim is Appropriate for the Holidays?
While you're sipping the sugary egg nectar known as "nog," take a moment to look down below your torso. What type of textile is trimming your thighs? Thought so.
A Modern Report on Old People
My grandfather passed away recently, and it's been very hard on me. He taught me so much, like "righty tighty and lefty loosey."
Your Cat Hates You, Guaranteed
Your cat views you as its food whore and excretion technician during the day. At night, your cat sits in the dark like an egg-laying hen, fantasizing your end days.
Court’s a Stupid Name Anyway
What sort of name is Court anyway? I mean, do ruffians play that uncouth game of basketball on you? Do they? I mean come on, that's a stupid name.
Planet Earth: No Vacancy
In the last 40 years, there's been over 4 billion of us thrown out of the safety and warmth of our mother's canal in order to cling to this shitty rock and be miserable.
I Was Good in Bed, Right?
Can you hear my grunts? Can you feel how slippery my body has become? The truth is, this is more than sex to me.
Cool, You Dyed Your Hair
So you shaved the sides of your head and you dyed the top of your head purple. Congratulations, you are now different! But we can all see right through you.
Owl Facts
No doubt Owl is one of the most interesting birds that exist in this universe. It is responsible not only for social media, but a boyfriend's enraged jealous face.