I Put the Fear of God into My Dog
I don't just look at my dog with fury because that would be cliché; rather, I tend to give her a sad, betrayed look, with a hint of intense bloody vengeance.
Tag: Observations
Anatomy of Men’s Health Magazine
Well done, Bill Phillips, Men's Health editor-in-chief, you did it. You figured out the perfect combination of repetitive nonsense that keeps me coming back for more.
BuzzFeed Looks Back at the 2010’s, 20 Years from Now
BuzzFeed use the beaten-horse style of nostalgic prose so predictably and effectively, that we've already written an excerpt of what you'll see in 2034.
The 18-Year-Old Virgin
It's not that I DON'T want to have sex, and it's not that I DO want to have sex, it's that I simply don't give a fuck about getting fucked. And yet I feel like I should.
How Sexist are You? The Misogyny Test
If you're a modern man, chances are you hate women. Don't be afraid, it's natural. After all, they use their vaginas to gain an advantage in life and you can't do that.
Buzzfeed Taught Me Everything I Need to Know About Myself
Before Buzzfeed, we had no idea which Destiny's Child character we were, or which European city we should live in. Now we've entered an era of absolute self-discovery.
Stop Butchering the English Language
That we can discover new ways to express ourselves and communicate is something that should never be underestimated, but should also be respected.
Why is All Man-Themed Stuff Also Douche-Themed?
From sports-themed haircut places, to restaurants and TV shows that highlight and exploit douchery, the perceived image of what guys like is ridiculously exaggerated.
8 Years a Slave: An Homage to England
The average IQ in England is 65, a shocking 30 points below the rest of Europe. Its people are fed a diet of hyper-violence, sex, football hooliganism, and soap operas.
If There’s an Airport God, He’ll Seat the Hot Girl Next to You on the Plane
If all the planets were to align, this airport-hot girl might actually be sitting right next to you. And she would be single. And she might jerk you off under the tray table.
Why You’re a Terrible Person for Complaining About New NFL Safety Rules
Whiny, self-involved fans complain that new NFL rule changes make the game "not as fun anymore." Yeah, and we all used to LOVE smoking on airplanes too.
A Stoner’s Translation to the Benefits of Vaporizing
I get asked a lot why I prefer using a vaporizer, because I'm high as fuck all the time, and people assume there must some solid stoner logic.