What I Imagine Being a Writer Is Like, Based on Other Creative Fields
Thanks to the PTA and a few passionate teachers, an after-school grammar club is formed so kids like me have a safe place to diagram sentences.
Tag: Observations
What Your Latte Milk Preference Says About You
Whole: Expect your life to be "Emily in Paris" but really it’s more like "Frances Ha"
Reasons I Will Not Be Posting My Spotify Wrapped That Emphatically Have Nothing to Do with How Humiliating My Results Are
A lot of the information Spotify gives you doesn’t seem that interesting anyway. I don’t even think “Toxic Positivity Delusioncore” is a real genre.
iPhone Screen Time Reports I Actually Need
You scrolled your own Instagram profile for 3 hours last week. You will never get that time back.
In Defense of Drinking Gravy
Thanksgiving is one of the few days that I can gather with my family, eat a huge plate of delicious food, and pound back six or seven glasses of gravy.
How I Imagined Life with a Puppy, Before I Got a Puppy
When my girlfriend walks away, she doesn’t follow her. She stays with me because I’m nurturing and friendly and like, super cool.
I Know This Amazing Bar
Like all bars with inscrutable locations, it’s a speakeasy. A “secret” bar. But it’s a secret the way it’s “a secret” your aunt got a facelift in 2015.
Dear Landlord: When It’s Actually Acceptable to Increase Rent
You looked through my mail and saw my meager wages. Appalled, you negotiated on my behalf, raising my salary commensurate with the rent raise.
What I Think It Would Be Like to Be Athletic
I'm an athletic person so the sweatband is useful and does not look like the beginnings of a goofy '80s Halloween costume.
I’m Your Yoga Instructor and I’m Hitting on Some Weirdly Specific Things About You During This Class
Resist the urge to open your eyes and do a quick scan of the room, evaluating people’s yoga wear.
How to Stop Teenagers from Making Fun of You in Public
If they say something like, "Nice cowboy hat, asshole," pretend you didn’t hear—even though you're the only asshole wearing one.
My Work Day, as Envisioned by the Billionaire CEO
Like our CEO wrote in his “Daily Wake-Up” email, all of our cubicles can be temples of productivity.