The Asian and The Boyfriend
The Asian and the boyfriend don't ever mix. They were born as separate as two koalas with latent chlamydia, and they shall remain so for all eternity.
Tag: Observations
Fuck Technology
Technology has turned us into a society of downward-gazing, slack-jawed voyeurs. There's a good chance that as we continue to evolve, our elbows will fuse.
The Pooping You Didn’t Know About in Classic Literature
Literary criticism is an always-changing field of inquiry, and today, it is my pleasure to introduce you to the new and exciting field of Fecal Criticism.
“Those Aren’t My Jarred Feces”
Now that tampons aren't allowed in the Texas Senate, here is how I imagine the conversation went when a bag inspector lifted a jar of poo from a citizen's purse.
The Logistics of the High School Dick Pic
I don’t consider myself the type of guy who sends a picture of his dick to a girl, but somehow my friend Danny convinced me otherwise. I should've thought more first.
A Winner’s Guide to Acknowledging Losers
Sure you might be think that like DJ Khaled, all you do is win, win, win no matter what, but you have you ever considered the butterfly effect of all your victories?
Justifications for My Irrational Fear of Doing Laundry
I am horrified of a hidden red sock turning all my white stuff pink. The chemistry behind what causes this to happen completely eludes me, and that is scary.
Your Most Likely Roommate Scenarios
There are only so many chances that you'll like your roommate in any sense of the word "like," and those chances are like, zero.
That Girl is a Liar
She lies a lot, but not the normal lies about age, weight, and whatever so-called "ladies" lie about. No, she's in a whole 'nother category.
What to Write When You Can’t Write
What I realized about my self-imposed inability to write is that of all the reasons why I am unable to write can be blamed on my excellent procrastination skills.
Halfway Not Ready for a New Roommate
Ah, August. The breezes blowing, children playing, freedom from overbearing parents, and the lovely task of commencing awkward roommate conversations.
Otis, The Almost Perfect Boyfriend
My boyfriend Otis is basically the perfect boyfriend. Except he refuses to participate in any form of social media, or any type of kissing.