Why You’re a Terrible Person for Complaining About New NFL Safety Rules
Whiny, self-involved fans complain that new NFL rule changes make the game "not as fun anymore." Yeah, and we all used to LOVE smoking on airplanes too.
Tag: Observations
A Stoner’s Translation to the Benefits of Vaporizing
I get asked a lot why I prefer using a vaporizer, because I'm high as fuck all the time, and people assume there must some solid stoner logic.
The Asian and The Boyfriend
The Asian and the boyfriend don't ever mix. They were born as separate as two koalas with latent chlamydia, and they shall remain so for all eternity.
Fuck Technology
Technology has turned us into a society of downward-gazing, slack-jawed voyeurs. There's a good chance that as we continue to evolve, our elbows will fuse.
The Pooping You Didn’t Know About in Classic Literature
Literary criticism is an always-changing field of inquiry, and today, it is my pleasure to introduce you to the new and exciting field of Fecal Criticism.
“Those Aren’t My Jarred Feces”
Now that tampons aren't allowed in the Texas Senate, here is how I imagine the conversation went when a bag inspector lifted a jar of poo from a citizen's purse.
The Logistics of the High School Dick Pic
I don’t consider myself the type of guy who sends a picture of his dick to a girl, but somehow my friend Danny convinced me otherwise. I should've thought more first.
A Winner’s Guide to Acknowledging Losers
Sure you might be think that like DJ Khaled, all you do is win, win, win no matter what, but you have you ever considered the butterfly effect of all your victories?
Justifications for My Irrational Fear of Doing Laundry
I am horrified of a hidden red sock turning all my white stuff pink. The chemistry behind what causes this to happen completely eludes me, and that is scary.
Your Most Likely Roommate Scenarios
There are only so many chances that you'll like your roommate in any sense of the word "like," and those chances are like, zero.
That Girl is a Liar
She lies a lot, but not the normal lies about age, weight, and whatever so-called "ladies" lie about. No, she's in a whole 'nother category.
What to Write When You Can’t Write
What I realized about my self-imposed inability to write is that of all the reasons why I am unable to write can be blamed on my excellent procrastination skills.