Spiders are Ruining My Life
It's been another year living with severe arachnophobia. After an in-class incident with a spider, I realized that they are now personally fucking with my education.
Tag: Observations
On Bridesmaids and Walking with Asians
The other day I asked my Asian friend if I could be her secret bridesmaid, the same way that a traditionally ethnic ninja would ask a friend to be a secret bridesmaid.
On the Dangers of Immortality
With the advent of thousands of miraculous new medicines, the danger of immortality is very real and growing faster than ever.
The Swedish Meatball: My Deathbed ’95 Volvo
The odometer is broken, the spoiler is broken, the sunroof is broken... okay, everything's broken except this car's will to live.
The Dubious Legacy of Super Mario
Some would say Mario is more influential than Jesus and Paul McCartney combined. The Italian plumber who looks suspiciously Mexican has gone thru many phases.
The Wrong People in All the Wrong Places
Put the right people in the right places. We can't all just keep taking it up the ass and pretend that we like it. Some of us have to stand up for what we believe in.
Go Ahead, Call Me a Fair Weather Fan
This is for all you "I'm a better fan than you are because I was a fan when the team sucked" people: get over yourselves.
Gym Etiquette for the Non-Meathead
Some people might accuse you of wasting your time in the gym. There are rules to follow, after all. Rules set by bigger men... and scary women.
I’m on a Diet (Against Everything I Stand For)
There are three things I really hate in life: making unprotected left hand turns, Dr. Meredith Grey, and diets. But I guess I have to do all three at some point.
Ode to the Shower Beer
You can pour pilsner into your mouth at whatever angle you want, and nobody from society is gonna judge you. Nobody is watching. Nobody cares.
Political Correctness: A Gentleman’s Discussion on How You Can Go Fuck Yourself
I'm not offended every time someone says "Christmas" to me just because that's not my thing. I'm the type of atheist who doesn't give a shit, and you shouldn't either.
I’ll Have a Whiskey on the Breasts, Please
Are you into rum, whiskey, or vodka? What about after it's been poured over the breasts of super models? You don't have any more questions, right?