Shit Little League Parents Say
Having little experience and less aptitude, parents are always firing baseball pointers from the stands during a showdown between two groups of mediocre 11- to 12-year-olds.
Tag: Observations
Why There’s No Such Thing as Ghosts
The idea that we have nothing better to do, after this mundane experience on Earth, but to show back up in ethereal form and fuck with terrified people is upsetting.
Running to Look Good, and for All the Wrong Reasons
In order to please the general public and fulfill my subconscious desire to become a a hard ass gym coach for overweight children, I've decided to go running every once in a while.
Self-Checkout Lines: Rise of the Machines
What is the most idiotic invention man ever came up with? Did you answer Pet Snuggie? I can understand your confusion, but it's actually the self-checkout lines at the grocery store.
Women Should Not Have Ab Definition
I'm all for a woman with a flat stomach, but this new trend of women wanting to have defined abs is unnatural, and not at all sexy.
My Living Will: A Testament to My Lack of Stuff
In order to deal with an impending death in a productive way, we write wills. It's one thing we do to feel better about taking an eventual dirt nap, besides smoking cigarettes.
The Intriguing Inconsistencies of SpongeBob SquarePants
After three hours hanging out in a pineapple under the sea, thanks to Nickelodeon's multi-episode SpongeBob blocks, you start to notice some weird shit going down.
Mastering Steven Seagal’s Violent Art of Seduction
It didn't take long to figure out the trend in Steven Seagal films: the guy was socially inept, prone to violence, yet always seemed to get the girl.
Beware the Exosmeleton
Even though he is long gone, your buddy has left behind a far-from-innocuous remnant of the nasty throbbing stench that sparked his exodus in the first place.
Sports That Make No Sense: Soccer and Hockey
Soccer and hockey need to go the way of the dodo. You didn't ask, but I'm about to tell you why these sports are vastly inferior to others.
What the Hell Happened to Mediocre Television?
Our evenings are now filled with dozens of hour-long shows demanding that we not only watch them, but have a full historical knowledge of the fictional world they have created.
How I Feel When I See an Animated GIF for the Millionth Time
Welcome to 2012, a time when instead of expressing emotions interpersonally, we convey how we feel through a series of animated GIF files and YouTube videos.