Stereotypes: A Cheater’s Worst Enemy
After a semester of keg stands and Taco Bell free-for-alls, you are completely unprepared for the final exam. You have but one choice left: find someone to cheat off of.
Tag: Observations
The Weekend is Terrible, You’re Just in Denial
From the moment you wait half an hour for a drink, to avoiding a meathead fight on the dance floor, to stepping over vomit at the exit, you couldn't wait to leave the bar/club.
Girls and Jobs: We’re Not So Different, The Two of Us
I have outlined the similarities between jobs and the lovely women in my dating pool. Please don't pee in it, you'll wash off their makeup.
Stop Posting About Your Kids on Facebook, Part 2
After Part 1, I still have several Facebook "friends" left that I'd like to alienate, so I will make my point again by ripping apart more annoying posts about kids I've seen recently.
Why Women are Compelled to Trash Other Women’s Bodies
It doesn't matter how insanely hot your girlfriend is—inside every beautiful woman is a teeming mass of insecurity. Which is where the time-honored tradition of trash-talking strangers comes in.
Libya: Our Hot Fat Chick Dilemma
Libya is like a hot fat chick. We want to mess around with her, but we're not comfortable admitting it to anyone. Libya is like our latest night booty call ever.
Mistresses of Satan, aka Women
A woman may be as beautiful as a jewel-encrusted diamond, but on the inside, she's as ugly as the elephant man swimming in a big fucking puddle of diarrhea.
Which Annoyingly Inappropriate Facebook Quiz-Taker are You?
Even worse than pointless status updates are ridiculous quizzes. Stop spending your Saturday nights trying to find out "What's Your Sexual Style."
Restaurants are People, Too
A realistic assessment of you, the asshole customer, from the perspective of the most under-appreciated people in a restaurant, the kitchen staff.
Half Cuban, 100% White
I'm a halfie: my mother is Cuban and my father is American. I'm not brown, I'm not white… I'm fucking khaki. And it sucks. Here's why.
Dear _____, I am Nothing Without You
Everyone relies on someone, somehow, some way, at some point. I contacted several of these nouns for a brief thank you note to their better half.
The Hangover Cycle
It's a bright Saturday morning and you wake up to find that you're feeling a little bit off. Does your mouth feel like a mix between sandpaper and sawdust? Yeah? You, my friend, are hungover.