I’m Your Yoga Instructor and I’m Hitting on Some Weirdly Specific Things About You During This Class
Resist the urge to open your eyes and do a quick scan of the room, evaluating people’s yoga wear.
Tag: Observations
How to Stop Teenagers from Making Fun of You in Public
If they say something like, "Nice cowboy hat, asshole," pretend you didn’t hear—even though you're the only asshole wearing one.
My Work Day, as Envisioned by the Billionaire CEO
Like our CEO wrote in his “Daily Wake-Up” email, all of our cubicles can be temples of productivity.
Would You Rather? Return to Office Edition
Would you rather spend 25% of your paycheck on Everlane’s "Sims 2 Fall/Winter ‘23 collection” or trompe l'oeil mascara onto your face with a free Zoom filter?
FAQs About How to Give Women Unsolicited Gym Advice
"It wasn't so much a specific question, but her vibe was like–" DON'T.
Coldness and Despair? January Is Here!
Making January fly by depends upon how much, or how little, you acknowledge in your mind that it's actually January.
This Halloween, My Son, You Will Dominate the Streets
It’s a zero-sum game out there. Every piece of candy you don’t get goes into the gaping, cavity-filled maw of some other kid.
An Open Letter to Couples on Venmo Who Desperately Need a Joint Bank Account
I scroll through my Venmo feed with fervor, finding out more about your lives from a cash app than I do from the photos you share on Instagram.
Unwritten Laws That Are Laws Nevertheless, and the Advice of Counsel Is Not to Flout Them
When a store cashier asks if you found everything you need, it is against the law to say, ''No, I couldn't find granola with almonds and raisins.''
An Open Letter to People Who Bag Their Dog’s Poo Only to Leave It Behind as Litter
Let me guess, you didn’t want to carry it around with you for the rest of your walk and you planned on picking it up on your way home?
An Open Letter to Fall Out Boy Regarding All the Incorrect Lyrics I’ve Been Singing for the Last Decade and a Half
Now, I’ll admit. I knew the words that I was singing were not in fact “words.” They were more like syllables strung together.
Hey, What Day Is It?
I woke up today thinking it was Thursday, but it turns out it might be Tuesday. I’m not really sure because both of them start with a “T.”