Hey Just Text Me
There are some things for which texting is great, like confirming things, a goodnight after a goodbye, or reconfirming things. Then there are the following dangerous pitfalls.
Tag: Observations
Toilet Paper: The Perk of Going Home
The best thing a college student can look forward to when going home is toilet paper. TP even beats the powerful water pressure of your own shower.
Dear Call of Duty: Black Ops, Thank You
Dear Call of Duty: Black Ops, I have taken this precious time away from PwNz0R1ng N3Wb5 to write these words in the hopes of conveying my enormous appreciation for everything you represent.
Girls are Like Video Games
Yes, even women, the most complex living thing in the universe, can be summed up with an A+B combo. Well, the code is longer than that, but you have to learn how to unlock it first.
I Hope They Don’t Show “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” in Hell
No physical pain or psychological embarrassment can compare to the discomfort and agony caused by watching the worst movie ever made, in my personal pseudo-Hell.
The National Powder Puff League, Formerly Known as the NFL
Roger Goodell has done terribly gay things to the NFL, and I think it's fair to conclude that in the upcoming years we're in store for a lot more pussy shit from him.
The Worst of Back to School
By the beginning of the fall semester, or 'cunting season,' the prospect of going out on a Friday night seems like a chore. Eventually, everyone plays right in to their stereotype.
Welcome to Britain: A Despairing Rant from the Dungeon of Europe
I'm a bitter, resentful kind of guy - an arsehole some would say. And while it would be remiss of me to cast all blame for my sourness onto Britain, I'm going to do it anyway.
The Ashley Garmany Dating Questionnaire
In light of recent romantic failures, I've decided that every guy I meet and think I might want to go on a date with will be required to go through a screening process.
Plunging the Depths of Boredom
A look at the ways I failed to cope with boredom and loneliness in the vacation weeks leading up to the start of my college career.
Call Centers: Where Stupidity is a Way of Life
Over the years, I have become rather fond of certain customer support complaints; not because of their merits, but because some have been so monumentally and dangerously stupid.
Dude, Where’s My Sponsor?
To buy a bumper sticker's worth of space on Dale Jr's car would cost somewhere north of a million bucks. But I'll let you sponsor my car for $500!