<p>A few days ago I saw a sign advertising a 49-cent breakfast biscuit special at a local fast food slop hole, a deal which for a lot of us is too good to pass up. At face value, it seemed like a pretty good deal. That is until you start adding up what it really was going to cost you. </p>
When I was a kid, the mall was a great place, filled with wonder and the possibility of blowjobs. What exists now is a crippled version of it's old glory.
Masturbation in the shower is always bittersweet because right after the joy of climax comes the burden of getting your semen down the drain.
So you've decided to let the newbie take a hit of the bong, just so he doesn’t feel left out. Now he's in for the worst skull-fuck of his life.
The vegetarian menace is dividing this great country of ours. They aren't necessarily bad people, they just have stupid, stupid beliefs.
To better understand how Lady Gaga concocts her erotic, unstable genre, we must perform an exercise in contemporary pop music production.
When I got pulled over this morning, I knew I was screwed. But what if I had a hand to play? Like the 'Get out of jail free card for traffic stops.'
It's that initial trust I give the Phillies front office, Aaron Sorkin, or a random woman with a nice smile. But don't going around giving it away willy-nilly.
Recently, a great man passed away. So many summer afternoons, we'd take his best stuff out and enjoy it at BBQs. RIP, Oscar Mayer. You will truly be missed.
Batman is the best superhero out there. That said, I have made two discoveries involving Robin and the Clock King which have slightly lessened Batman's reputation in my mind.
My mom decided my stress level was detrimental to my over all well-being, so she set me up with my first ever acupuncture session.
Yeah, I'm talking to you. You tool. You coward. You whelp. You - a guy in college - are going out with a high school chick. What. The. Fuck.