If I Spend 3-4 Hours Writing and Editing This Article, Do You Think She Will Have Texted Me Back By Then?
What Michelle needs to realize is that I’m not here to waste my time. But until she texts back, that's exactly what I'll be doing.
Tag: Observations
You’re 33, I’m Not Coming to Your Half-Birthday Party
My niece is seven, and half-birthday parties are barely acceptable for her. And she’s a goddamn princess. Are you a princess, Lou?
Cause Bracelets are Out of Control: Here’s How to Fix Them
There are now 18 different colored bracelets that represent 139 different problems. Even Jay-Z can't rap about that much confusion.
How to Apologize to Your Dentist for Not Flossing
Looks like the Associated Press is reporting fake "you don't have to floss" news, and you'll have to admit: your dentist has always been right.
Just Because I’m a Hot Girl with Huge Boobs Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Be My 38th Facebook Friend
Why does a beautiful girl like me only have 37 friends? Because I'm selective, that's why. Just click "confirm" already.
Flying High in the Xanax Skies
Where was I? How high is high? Why was I sitting there? Had I been sleeping the whole time? Is all of life a dream, as Descartes once suggested?
The Annoying Realities of Being Robbed
However it plays out, someone will target you, steal from you, and leave you angrier than you’ve ever felt in your life.
Drunk Beer Reviews from a Happy Drunk
Strap in for a brews cruise around the world, from that guy who drinks a lot and probably knows stuff. Probably. Ehh, either way.
The Importance of Showers for the Adult Brain
When you take a shower, your brain releases these chemicals called "neurons" that swim around in your brain and increase thought processing.
My Kid Has Usurped My Wife’s Breasts
I love Gabe. He's half me. And I’m sure that fact has something to do with his literal clinginess to Kristina's quadruple-D, turn-to-see milk-pillows.
Jacob and Esther’s Realistic Wedding Agenda
Jacob and Esther each found their soulmates, and they each happened to work at the same place as each other. Isn't God the best?
Snowboarding 101: A Crash Course for Beginners
Assuming you make it to the top of the mountain, strap yourself into your deathboard, making sure you have no feeling in your feet, then just go for it dude.