Office | Page 11 | Points in Case

Tag: Office

We wanted to take a minute as a company to step back, take a look at each other, and ask the question, "Which one of you can we fire?"

You knotted your tie into a half-Windsor. Or, as we call it here, “the coward’s Windsor.” Of course, this significantly counted against you.

You’re a little too dull for my tropical lifestyle. Sorry, I’ve had a pitcher of strawberry daiquiris, but I’ll say it again: you are BORING!

How did you hear about us? From cousin Annie at Thanksgiving or cousin Tom at Christmas?

You should know that I have recently become a follower of the Dark Lord Cthulhu, whose worship I must prioritize above my data entry deliverables.

While I could find satisfaction in work, the steps I take while pacing tearfully in the work bathroom help me add thousands of steps each week.

My boss trusted me enough to get coffee and sometimes even pick up an occasional muffin. In addition, I became well-versed in Excel.

The past six years have been rewarding and have not been a "suck chamber" where I’ve "eagerly counted down until my death."

The cover letter is the most recycled paper item in the world; what you’re reading is a repurposed version of one that I sent to Whole Foods.

I see you eyeing my cylindrical figure before your 10 AM Zoom call. I’m tall and light with perfect slender curves that a V-8 could only dream of.

You have such nice legs. I’m glad you’re finally wearing something that shows them off. / You didn’t even notice my new slacks. Do you like them?

It wasn’t my intention to shout “HOLY HELL MOTHER OF GOD LEAVE ME BE YOU WICKED BEAST!” as you went over our Planned vs. Actual.