Office | Page 11 | Points in Case

Tag: Office

Tragic for sure. Indeed, many of you have asked what impact the end of the world will have on your 401(k) match.

Co-founders, Mom & Pop LLC: You nurtured MY LIFE from wobbly startup to self-sustaining enterprise, and you’ll agree that it has paid dividends.

In retrospect, perhaps I shouldn’t have loudly invited every member of staff to come watch me “roast this bird” at tic-tac-toe.

I cannot believe you had the gall to march into our Farmingdale headquarters, and rather than claim your birthright, insist that you go to college.

"Her butt is coming out first," my mom's ob-gyn told her six hours into her contractions. "This baby is just not the right fit."

We wanted to take a minute as a company to step back, take a look at each other, and ask the question, "Which one of you can we fire?"

You knotted your tie into a half-Windsor. Or, as we call it here, “the coward’s Windsor.” Of course, this significantly counted against you.

You’re a little too dull for my tropical lifestyle. Sorry, I’ve had a pitcher of strawberry daiquiris, but I’ll say it again: you are BORING!

How did you hear about us? From cousin Annie at Thanksgiving or cousin Tom at Christmas?

You should know that I have recently become a follower of the Dark Lord Cthulhu, whose worship I must prioritize above my data entry deliverables.

While I could find satisfaction in work, the steps I take while pacing tearfully in the work bathroom help me add thousands of steps each week.

My boss trusted me enough to get coffee and sometimes even pick up an occasional muffin. In addition, I became well-versed in Excel.