God Checks In on the Plan for You, A Person Who Is Not Drake
You picture it. You see the wisdom. Unlike Drake, you do not accept God's plan. "I'm too good for that," you say. "Are you fucking kiddi–" God says.
Tag: Office
5 Ballin’ Pieces of Job Search Advice Most Effective If You’re Tim Motherfucking Cook
Um, I don't know why anyone but Tim Cook is still reading this, but you should probably bottle up your excitement...
I’m a Cholesterol Molecule and I’m Sick of All This Fat Shaming
Doctors always say things like "watch that cholesterol." They are unwarrantedly suspicious and overtly vigilante over an entire group. It's profiling!
I’m a 9-1-1 Operator Who Loves the Movie “Titanic”
With all due respect, let me tell you what an actual emergency is: when Rose’s necklace went missing and they blamed poor Jack for stealing it.
Signs Your Manic Pixie Dream Girl May Be Less of a “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” and More of a “Depression Meal at Walmart”
As she trails off, she restarts "The Office" on Netflix for the twenty-fifth time and pulls her couch blanket over herself.
Mar-a-Lago Bath Bombs
Use the (Space) Force: Lavender, yuzu, and citrus form their own sixth military branch... mission: self-care!
Thoughts from a Town with an Abandoned Twinkie Factory
"When we put him in the ground, we dropped in every Twinkie wrapper. A shade under a million. He lived to 103. So...yes. I think they're ok for you.”
English Lit Grads: Choose a Career in Tech Support
There are at least two sides to a story. The client will think their version is the only true story. Don’t waste time convincing them of the truth.
Unexpected Spiritual Lessons From Using a 7-Day Free Trial of Headspace in the Restroom at Work
Focus on your breath or letting your body go limp as it’s being dragged out of an ADA compliant stall by a security guard named Dennis.
My First Day at the Department for Duplicated Departments
10.15 am - Somone tries to get into the office but gets lost in the revolving doors.
Please Give Me Custody of the Foosball Table
Please, I'm begging you to let me hold those knobs in my hands. I want to hear the sound of that little soccer ball dropping onto the table.
The Inaugural Sick Day of a Workaholic
9:00 pm: Apply to 27 jobs for fun (your therapist told you that “hobbies are healthy”) and get them all.