So You Wanted to Leave a Voicemail for Someone But They Picked Up the Phone
Drop your phone in the toilet: This makes you look cool, because every Millennial’s done it at least once in their aimless, self-serving lives.
Tag: Office
Our Startup is Seeking a Full-Time Mortician
Are you the kind of person who carries a casket with a skip in their step? Have you shown enthusiasm for embalming roadkill since a young age?
My Inner Voice is a Fat Guy Named Steve
I want to do well, but every time I sit down to work, Steve makes me go on the internet and google “soccer stats” and “boobs” until the day is done.
The Company-Wide Reply-All That Never Should Have Been
FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected] SUBJECT: RE: test "Exactly what are you notifying us of? Everyone please stop replying-all."
Employment Opportunity
We also don't have a retirement plan because the majority of our employees only stay with us for 2-3 hours.
Quiz: Are You a Client Whisperer?
Your client wants to suck the bone marrow out of your firstborn. What do you do? A. Respectfully ask that he reconsiders.
Realistic Financial Goals By Age 35
Relationships are about one thing, and one thing only: affordable housing. Find someone who doesn’t smell too bad and lock it down.
It Takes More Muscles to Frown Than to Smile, and Even More Muscles to Lift This Vending Machine Off Me
I’d be willing to bet it takes dozens of muscles in the arms, legs, and torso to lift this soda machine off of my shattered body.
Unmailed Greeting Cards for My Therapist
Do you think I’m a nice person? Do you think I’m full of rage? Crap, I’m turning my apology into a plea for validation. I hate when I do that.
How to Have the Perfect Hollywood Meeting
Other topics conversation should focus on famous people you’ve worked with or in relative proximity to, and how long it took to get to the meeting.
I Will Not Be Issuing a Refund For My Unorthodox “Next Stop: Team Town” Workshop
It is true: I stabbed every balloon on the showroom floor and likened it to Steve stabbing me in the back when he left me for the dweebs at DreamTeamz LLC.
Astrology is Stupid (Unless I’m Being a Total Bitch, Then I’m Blaming My Gemini Moon)
“My moon is in Sagittarius, so I shut down emotionally to cope with stress! I told you that on Christmas after I punched that mall Santa!”