My Work Day, as Envisioned by the Billionaire CEO
Like our CEO wrote in his “Daily Wake-Up” email, all of our cubicles can be temples of productivity.
Tag: Office
Would You Rather? Return to Office Edition
Would you rather spend 25% of your paycheck on Everlane’s "Sims 2 Fall/Winter ‘23 collection” or trompe l'oeil mascara onto your face with a free Zoom filter?
Why I, a 1960s Business Man Having an Affair, Believe Everyone Needs to Return to Office
Millennials and Gen Z don’t understand how valuable a sense of camaraderie is, or how important mistress time is.
Your Monthly Productivity Review
Time off task (12 minutes): Nerve sensors detected hunger prior to your lunch break. Hunger is personal time.
My Day as an Intern, as Imagined by My Exceedingly Optimistic Parents
12:30 PM, reads the Faberge Egg clock the CFO gifted me for having such a good PSAT score.
Signs That the Company You Work for Has Been Acquired by a Billionaire
In order to save space, your cubicle has been converted into two pyramidicles.
To Determine If You’re the Right Fit for This Job, We’d Like You to Do This Job
We definitely have already done a full marketing strategy, but we want you to complete one too, so that we can compare yours to ours.
Will You Risk Your Life to Protect Our Company’s Cybersecurity?
Good. Don’t click the link. Now, a wild badger climbs through the break room window and makes a beeline for your unguarded computer.
We’d Love to Pay You More, But We’d Rather Spend It on Boats and Cocaine
It’s just not something we care to do, because of our uncontrollable desire to own all of the boats and all of the cocaine.
Updates to Your Employee Benefits Package
Our previous policy of zero in-office hawk attacks has been slightly adjusted to a new policy of many hawk attacks.
Resignation Letters from Hallmark Movie Heroines
As you know, I have just spent the holiday season visiting family in my hometown, Fir Tree Falls.
How to Make a Cover Letter That’s Slightly Less Desperate than You
There are two things that all employers love to hear about: high quarterly profits and hidden treasure.