The Rise of the Coffee Machines
The company manual has everything from an optimistic “Career Progression” to shrug-worthy “Credit Card, Corporate” but nothinganything under “Coffee Machine, Operating Safely.”
Tag: Office
Honey Boo Boo’s White House Intern Application
Like you, Mr. President, I'll do whatever it takes to win. Have you seen the footage of my landslide victory at the watermelon eating contest?
The Only Trustworthy News Sources Are the Post-Its Steve Bannon Leaves Me
Those little yellow stickies are the only place you can trust for good news. Well I mean “good” like “real,” because sometimes the news, it isn't so good.
What It’s Like Being a Telemarketer From Hell
From 150 miles under the bandstand of Toms River, NJ, a demon explains what it's like to be a timeshare telemarketer in Hell.
It Must Be Nice Having the Job Security That Comes With Acting
Compared to investment banking, my colleagues tell me acting is almost completely recession-proof. People will buy tickets to shows even if they don't have the money to buy them!
7 Regrets I Have After Creating a Flesh-and-Blood Dilbert
In my haste to create a flesh-and-blood Dilbert, I took a few shortcuts which, in retrospect, were pretty big mistakes.
10 Ways to Use the Holidays to Harness the Power You Can’t Get From Your Horrible Job
A holiday party is the perfect opportunity to quiet your anxiety and self-loathing by making others say "How does she do it?!"
35th Annual RC Cola Office Halloween Party Costume Competition
Middle age adults temporarily embrace a facade of youth by dressing as ironically humorous characters while battling unironic mid-life crises.
Pete’s Wood Employee of the Month: Mr. Hymen Clit
Mr. Hymen Clit serves as custodian here at Pete's Wood, the only lumber furniture factory utilizing only the biggest and hardest wood for superior furniture.
Office Fart Attacks: 7 Gas-Powered Aggressions to Win at Work
Seven ways to use your God-given ability to produce weaponized shitclouds for personal satisfaction and enjoyment in the workplace.
Did You Not Wash Your Hands After Pooping on the Boss’ Desk?
Gary, I've called you into HR today not because you defecated onto Mr. Peters’ desk, but because you clearly didn’t even make an attempt to wash your hands afterward.
Role-Play for Normal People with Boring Jobs
The mood is erotic, as an IKEA lap shines on the nightstand, the kids are at a sleepover, and "Now That’s What I Call Music 51" plays that one song you like.