Open Letters

Tag: Open Letters

What would you rather have: frugal parents who saved almost $2 a month, or documented proof that you experienced a childhood?

The one-year anniversary of the day I sold you my couch on Craigslist! Time really does fly, huh?

To be fair, they are really good poems. I don’t want to toot my own horn (a little proctologist humor there), but those poems are inspired.

I offered to go back into the ring and pretend to get knocked out, but it was too late, especially since I had already taken my shoes and socks off.

I AM IN AWE of how you pushed through your lower back pain and chronic prostatitis to get out the giant Rubbermaid containers of Lego.

Please join us in the lobby to celebrate Christmas! We will scrounge up a folding chair or two and everyone will be afraid to sit.

It is imperative we observe the appropriate time to ring in the season, as that “ring” is the alarm which awakens Santa from his 11-month slumber.

Just glancing at this green expanse makes me burst with joy. It is the same feeling I had on my wedding day, and on the day you were born.

No glass bottles. No breaking glass bottles. No threatening Duck Race volunteers with broken glass bottles.

We take pride in our product. We know that there is no better feeling than tossing a big burlap sack over your shoulder after a big heist.

My profile specifically states I'm looking for "the Jim to my Pam," meanwhile you're still "figuring out your relationship type."

It’s still me, the same old Gary, but now I’m backed by a mega-cap corporate behemoth. You can just call me Gary Delivery Brought to You by MegaTech.