Open Letters

Tag: Open Letters

I AM IN AWE of how you pushed through your lower back pain and chronic prostatitis to get out the giant Rubbermaid containers of Lego.

Please join us in the lobby to celebrate Christmas! We will scrounge up a folding chair or two and everyone will be afraid to sit.

It is imperative we observe the appropriate time to ring in the season, as that “ring” is the alarm which awakens Santa from his 11-month slumber.

Just glancing at this green expanse makes me burst with joy. It is the same feeling I had on my wedding day, and on the day you were born.

No glass bottles. No breaking glass bottles. No threatening Duck Race volunteers with broken glass bottles.

We take pride in our product. We know that there is no better feeling than tossing a big burlap sack over your shoulder after a big heist.

My profile specifically states I'm looking for "the Jim to my Pam," meanwhile you're still "figuring out your relationship type."

It’s still me, the same old Gary, but now I’m backed by a mega-cap corporate behemoth. You can just call me Gary Delivery Brought to You by MegaTech.

Mr. Jensen has not won eight gold medals in curling. In fact, it’s unclear whether or not Mr. Jensen has even seen curling before.

We dispatch a man with a plastic bag (full of loose Arizona iced teas) to stare at her so hard she gets the dry sweats.

We regret to inform you we won't be able to offer you a position at this time. We'll always wonder what could have been.

I do take issue with whoever claimed the domain liveauctionfor115belleview.net and started an all-out bidding war for my family’s home.