Open Letters | Page 11 | Points in Case

Tag: Open Letters

You and I both know what I’ve been up to, and it isn’t putting me on anyone’s good list.

I know it’s cold and you warm-blooded, furless, pansies are sensitive, but is it too much to ask for someone to say, “I’m SO excited for Winter!”

Satan simply would not take no for an answer—which means that this year, our mall will feature Satan’s Village.

If I could point a finger, I would blame Microsoft. There’s no amount of Christmas magic that could help me understand Microsoft Outlook.

I’m disappointed that after our four-message exchange about how our weekends went, you haven’t proposed. It’s been almost a year, after all.

I hope this level of detail gives you a clear understanding of the lengths that many of us would go to avoid any more forced, holiday-themed fun.

I do not plan on blowing away before the next Thanksgiving. I am not merely a summer fling or a one-night affair.

Seeing as though you sent in your application approximately 56 seconds after we sent out the form, you were a little too late.

I wasn’t snooping, just monitoring your every action as per our agreement—and I noticed some trends that concerned me.

I was going to be the highlight of “WAP,” which I assumed stood for something like "warm and pleasant," as it's a perfect description of me.

Don’t worry, I’ve left them with enough food to last several weeks, which in this case is a bottle cap of water and a couple of croutons.

Did you know a stroke of lightning lasts roughly 30 microseconds? DID YOU?! What if I hadn’t hit the cable at the right microsecond, Doc?