Open Letters | Page 13 | Points in Case

Tag: Open Letters

I feel like you’ve been kind of distant lately. Hanging out with those new fancy ass moisturizers and toners you bought on sale at Sephora.

I only had a raging meltdown at the one other wedding ceremony I’ve attended, and that bitch I was marrying totally asked for it (I love my wife).

There are no dry cleaners open all night in my area, and so I have hundreds of bloody, or just plain smelly, shirts I don't know what to do with.

Tragic for sure. Indeed, many of you have asked what impact the end of the world will have on your 401(k) match.

Co-founders, Mom & Pop LLC: You nurtured MY LIFE from wobbly startup to self-sustaining enterprise, and you’ll agree that it has paid dividends.

The experience of being diagnosed with a serious condition that causes me to pass out a lot has turned me into a natural leader.

In retrospect, perhaps I shouldn’t have loudly invited every member of staff to come watch me “roast this bird” at tic-tac-toe.

For example, our description page should have read, “Lull yourself to sleep to the haunting cry of lions echoing across the lake.”

Don't forget it's scorching outside—do you really want to inconvenience yourself with a hot face? That's a cruelty no meat should suffer.

Sure, our football team has been subpar ever since Brent Bryerson graduated three years ago, but that isn't a concern.

It’s water under the bridge, just like when you’ve lodged yourself under my couch, even when you overheated and almost set my apartment on fire.

Franz takes issue with his dad for unsolicited career advice and "being a bit of a tyrant" (wait until he meets you, not that it's a competition).