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Tag: Open Letters
An Open Letter to My Male Colleagues Who Appear to Be Annoyed By My Constant Apologizing
I’m never totally sure what rises to the occasion of repentance, but I get the distinct feeling most things do?
Dear Employees: Please Fill Out Fortune’s “Best Companies to Work For in 2019” Survey, or You Will Be Tossed Into the Fiery Lava Pit
The new Boiling Lava Pit contains molten volcanic lava from the island of Heimaey, because here at DigiTech --- Authenticity Matters ©.
Dear Hiker Who Was Totally Pulling Off a Neckerchief
Do neckerchiefs not itch against your perfect scruff? Who decides that your face fur should stay at a golden quarter inch?
An Open Letter to the “Pay It Forward” Person at the Drive-Thru
Being a happy-go-lightly, vacant soul, you’re probably wondering why I didn’t use that fistful of dollars to pay for the order of the guy behind me.
Open Letter to the Other Dad at the PTA Meeting with a World’s Best Dad Coffee Mug
ROUND 2: We will re-enact Alice Cooper's “School's Out for Summer” video shot for shot. Contestants may borrow as many eye-liner pencils as they need.
You Shall Call Me “Dear Leader”
I shall return triumphant—and in my best Dockers and newest Crocs—exactly as the Great Destiny has deemed it to be.
A Letter to My (Former) Stock Photo Casting Agent
“You won’t be needing that anymore,” you told me “from now on, you’re known as ‘sad male employee burns mouth on coffee too hot office man.'”
Amazon Delivery Options Based on Number of Likes on Jeff Bezos’ Cat’s Instagram Posts
501-1000 likes: Your package will be delivered by dedicated Piper Cub and guarded en route by a contingent of off-duty Allstate Security agents.
Which of You Soulless Coworkers Ate My Slice of Cake From the Work Fridge?
I’ve been on the lookout for the swirling cloud of evil that must constantly follow you, and I keep my nose up to catch a stench of this wickedness.
What I Do With My Bees is None of This Co-Op Board’s Business
Not many people know this, but my bees once stung the hell out of Mario Cuomo. That’s right, this horde of insects is a part of New York history.
An Open Apology From Fred Durst, Who Did Not Mean to Do It All for The Nookie
Once desirous of The Nookie, I found it began to stifle me, the voice of my generation. I became the gatekeeper of what was and was not Nookie.