Open Letters | Page 17 | Points in Case

Tag: Open Letters

Not many people know this, but my bees once stung the hell out of Mario Cuomo. That’s right, this horde of insects is a part of New York history.

Once desirous of The Nookie, I found it began to stifle me, the voice of my generation. I became the gatekeeper of what was and was not Nookie.

RULE 22.0: Imagine for a moment a model train set circling without purpose—you’re the little plastic conductor.

When I said I personally liked having 30 books in my house, I meant it because that's what I like. It was a fucking suggestion, not a threat.

You're probably wondering, what sort of management skills does this guy have to run Tesla? Rest assured, I'm just like you: all over the place.

Diane, your son is an expressionless stump on stage (no pun intended). I can’t stress this enough. He looks like a dead, lifeless boy.

I am fairly certain my stepson is going to murder me. These albums have turned what's left of His heart as frosted as the tips of His hair.

I need a strong, carnivorous lover, not a submissive creature of the field.

Listen to the language, Jeff. “Designated area,” ”gentle correction.” Is this our backyard or is this Auschwitz?

Who the heck owns a letter opener anymore? I’ll tell you who: people like me, looking for socially acceptable ways to always have a knife nearby.

Although, speaking of our actual bodies, you should absolutely look a gift horse in the mouth. You can tell a horse's age by looking at its teeth.

He surprised me with a candle because he said, "I know your love language is 'receiving gifts.'" How did you get him to read "The 5 Love Languages"?!