In a concerted effort to protect our own from further desecration and prejudice, we secretly replace all Gentile bodies with dead Jews. Standard procedure within the Conspiracy.
Though I may only be a tiny, saber-tooth squirrel, I beg you, hear my squeaky voice. I am tired and broken, and I miss my family. Don't do this to me again.
As you guys know, our friend, companion, Supreme Autocrat, and dynamite singer Kim Jong-Un is having a birthday in a few weeks. What are you guys' thoughts on a party?
Come, ye lost soul. If you keep yelling for us to “Move in,” I'm positive a black hole will spontaneously erupt right above our heads.
While it may not make for polite conversation on Christmas morning, it’s important nonetheless that you understand, Harry Potter is a degenerate psychopath.
Indeed there is no Santa Claus, and we can definitively say it would be impossible for one man to visit all the children in the world in one night.
I don’t need my dead body being jabbed into on a cutting board by doctors. I'd rather help the humanities with their flow of corpses.
Mom, Dad, this is your official notice that you are no longer in charge of my childhood photos and videos. Please turn them over immediately.
Another eventful year has passed and the Millers are feeling SO BLESSED despite the fact that we are all agnostics or atheists.
Independence was cool for a while, but we're young adults now. And what do young adults do these days? They move home to live with their parents!
Comrade General Kok Suk Lee said writing letters is a good idea. Appeal to the capitalist lackeys in their Satanic Homelands, he said. I hope he's right.
Here's the problem with your skateboarders: they make it look too easy. Let me attempt to skateboard and faceplant all over the place, for the ratings.