I Read a Book in Quarantine, and Yes, That Does Make Me Better than You
Don't be intimidated, I'm still just like you, only quite a bit better now. You see, I read an entire book during quarantine.
Don't be intimidated, I'm still just like you, only quite a bit better now. You see, I read an entire book during quarantine.
I am a large gorilla. And gorillas are soft, exoskeleton-less, atomic-breath-lacking, nonaquatic, vegetarian mammals.
I am a human from Earth, but please don't hold that against me. I believe that this is an asset, as I have witnessed what not to do with a planet
I scroll through my Venmo feed with fervor, finding out more about your lives from a cash app than I do from the photos you share on Instagram.
You should be begging on your hands and knees for help. Pathetic. And deep down, you’re scared.
I lost motivation for my role of being the embodiment of vanity. To put it lightly: remote work has challenged the core values I once held dear.
Yes, I tried replacing the batteries. A fresh set seemed to do nothing except make his tone even angrier.
That man that I saw on the screen—that I had grown up IDOLIZING—was actually just some hack in disguise.
The first time you touched me, it was like you read the instruction manual on how to make my water boil.
Some of you seem to be using this platform for what my psychologist, Dr. Winter, has identified as attention-seeking behavior.
Let me guess, you didn’t want to carry it around with you for the rest of your walk and you planned on picking it up on your way home?
My purple pom-pom has been on the handle and ready to go since March. The places you take me, I would never ever go alone.