Best Picture Reviews by Me, the Dad of a Six-Week-Old
Conclave: Based on the summary that my childless friend gave while dropping off a tray of lasagna, I found this story unnecessarily hard to follow.
Tag: Oscars
My Shameless Piece of Oscar Bait Failed and It’s Not Fair
Just where do you fair-weather fans get off not spending your meager savings on tickets to see a multimillionaire’s vanity project?
I Am the Improbable Fireball in Every Hollywood Action Movie, and I Demand a Lifetime Achievement Award
It's time to recognize my artistry, distinguished contributions to world cinema, and unparalleled ability to blow shit up without dismembering anyone.
The Coronies – Pandemic Awards for This Year’s Best Performances
Best Foreign Film: When my boss tells me to speak up in meetings, sorry can’t, don't understand what’s happening.
Jury Duty Is Rebranding as Justice Festival
As you enter the courthouse, you will get a trendy wristband. This unlocks special access to the “VIP Pit” also known as the “Enormous Waiting Area.”
The Oscars Are About Quality, Not Diversity, and Also Scarlett Johansson Should Have Every Award
Despite ongoing #OscarsSoWhite controversy, it’s important to remember that the Oscars are, as Stephen King pointed out, about quality, not diversity.
Oscar Presenters: Stop Reading Your Lines!
Your profession revolves around memorizing lines, making them believable, and delivering them to casting directors, audiences, and law enforcement.
Uncut Energy Crystals: Howard Ratner in LA
Not only will the green aventurine win you material success but the Yoni birth mother energy will protect you from any Price Waterhouse trickery.
Who Do You Like More, the Country or the Hispanics?
ROUND 1 The Country: Gave us Major League Baseball The Hispanics: Gave us Big Papi Winner: The Hispanics
Elton John™ LEGO® Sets are Finally Here!
"Elton John™ Gets Knighted Pack" Are you prepared to meet LEGO® Queen Elizabeth II as she knights LEGO® Elton John? Enter LEGO® Buckingham Palace!
“Bohemian Rhapsody” Trivia
Within the first thirty seconds, there is a close-up of a microphone. This quickly establishes that this is a singing movie, about big singers.
This Year’s Best Picture Nominees Ranked by How Much My Son Resents My New Girlfriend
When my girlfriend tried to talk with my son, he kept referring to her as “replacement mommy” while jumping up and down pretending to be Peter Rabbit.