Pain | Page 15 | Points in Case

Tag: Pain

“I’m not racist,” I say, laughing. “The first guy who sexually assaulted me was white.”

Putting yourself into extremely dangerous situations isn't a sin. If you survive, your life is more exciting, but if you die, Jesus will be waiting.

I arrived home to my apartment, fresh groceries in hand (despite the fact that I am never seen cooking, talking about food, or eating).

Look in vain for a menu, it is torn and stained with tears. There are no specials, ever, only monotonous offerings of tasteless food.

What kind of monster doesn’t enjoy flannel? As blue gingham is to spring and summer, flannel is to your fall and winter Tinder photos.

The Musician: This Jason Mraz-wannabe thought this mic was for music, but ended up in a cafe full of comedians and stuck it out for some reason.

You probably want to spend one episode on how I was a loving husband and good friend who did nothing to deserve this, whatever "this" ends up being.

Is there any way to make the heartburn shoot actual flames out of our mouths? That would be a nice party trick.

DON'T: Try bullet journaling. Look, you can't even keep up with a pre-crafted planner, you think creating your own will go any better?

Unlike Trump ushering children into his internment camps, Roosevelt likely said "please" and "thank you" before locking people up because of race.

Let me just grab an eraser for a quick correction: “pariah” is not how you spell “accountable.”

All I need is for Bezos to read my kids a bedtime story and I will be up for the 2018 award for disconnected dad of the year.