How Many of My Fellow Leaves Must Die Before You Wake Up to the Atrocity of Fall?
Our ailing bodies fall from the sky into your front yard and all you can muster is an idle comment about the beauty of our chlorophyll jaundice.
Tag: Pain
So You’re Hiding From Your Family in the Bathroom During Thanksgiving
Yum, I hope that unfiltered tap water and internalized judgement from your mother tastes great!
Bro, It’s Okay to Cry, Bro
What’s that word? Apathy? I was apathy, bro. No, wait, empathy. I was empathy. My bad ha!
The Things You Notice On Your First Run in a While
You notice a phalanx of tiny Greek soldiers inside your body and they're stabbing you in the lungs with their historically accurate iron spears.
H.P. Lovecraft Reviews His Recent Amazon Purchases
Sun Lamp for Seasonal Affective Disorder, One Star: I returned this lamp to Amazon. With luck it will sleep eternally in the depths of their warehouses.
If Not Now, When? The Case for Allowing Hurricanes Back to Our Coastlines
Don't hurricanes matter too, despite destroying entire communities? To me, justice is not shaming the Hurricane forever and ever until the end of time.
I’d Prefer to Date Someone Kind and Attractive, But Yes, I Would Settle for a Day-Old Baguette
Don’t tell me I have no standards. I wouldn’t date a slice of bread. That’s like, basically no bread!
So You Want to Sell Your Screenplay?
4. To fund this web series and convince your friends that this project is worth creating, adapt the web series into a musical for the stage.
I’m Writing Today to Recommend My Student and His Viral Fail Video
Though the dance move students modeled after “Bouncy Ball Fail” resulted in concussions, students all across the district are following their lead.
A Massive Storm is Barreling Down on my Family and Conversation with Them Has Never Been Easier
This storm has brought my brother out of the bomb shelter to face his family to then grab them and bring them back into the bomb shelter.
Everything I Have Fantasized About Doing If I Ever Finish “Infinite Jest”
15. Regretting having wasted time and energy on what was pretty much what you would expect a 1,079-page novel written by a white guy in 1996 to be.
5 Slightly Different Ways I Take My Coffee
A light dusting of cinnamon: This makes the coffee kind of taste like cinnamon, but just a little bit.