Definitely My Quarantine Morning Routine
I definitely don’t lay in bed motionless, hovering between sleep and wakefulness, until finally my hungry cat comes and scream-meows in my face.
I definitely don’t lay in bed motionless, hovering between sleep and wakefulness, until finally my hungry cat comes and scream-meows in my face.
Think of me as the gamma-ray to your Bruce Banner, only I give you none of the superpowers and all of the anger.
A millennium of mystics lives in my heart. But when you look at me, all you see is “Prince of Darkness” in Comic Sans stretched just under my chin.
“Synonyms for ‘laugh’ include ‘chortle,’ ‘gurgle,’ ‘snicker,’ and ‘titter,’” Commander Garm told the dead alien for no discernible reason.
Pride leads to compromise. Compromise leads to shorts. Shorts lead to mosquitos. Mosquitos lead to suffering.
DIRECTIONS: Take 2 tablets directly from bottle, and 3rd that spilled on rug. Take irregularly and at moments of peak stress.
I wish to cleanse myself of the guilt for defying both you and my lovely wife by dusting off the ol’ blades and gracefully gliding down the street.
My cat was born in hell. She exists solely to antagonize me and if anything ever happened to her I would kill everyone and then kill myself.
You’ve got guts settin' foot on my turf. But if youse keep coming around, you’ll be the one with the instruction manual on how to piece you together.
Lay very long in bed, enthralled by newly bequeathed Ozark. The Sickness, I hear, encreases in the towne much, and exceedingly everywhere.
Stretched to cover more area by upper management / Watches boss make the same mistakes day in and day out / Owned by Jeff Bezos
We will make our own at-home exercises—ones that won’t make you want to lay on your floor begging God or Satan for a moment of relief.