Maybe You Don’t Need Masks After All, By a North American Vulture
Don't forget it's scorching outside—do you really want to inconvenience yourself with a hot face? That's a cruelty no meat should suffer.
Tag: Pandemic
3rd Grade Virtual Learning Schedule: Week 3, Day 4
Watch “Multiplication, Division, and YOU!” There is no link, so you, a third-grader, will need to do a Google video search and hope for the best.
Bridgefield High School Fall Sports Are Cancelled, But Not Because We Suck at Football
Sure, our football team has been subpar ever since Brent Bryerson graduated three years ago, but that isn't a concern.
An Open Letter to My Roomba That I Haven’t Seen in Five Days
It’s water under the bridge, just like when you’ve lodged yourself under my couch, even when you overheated and almost set my apartment on fire.
Your State’s Simple, Straightforward, and Easy-to-Understand Unemployment Benefits Questionnaire
1. Did you work? Answer YES if you worked during the week, engaged in emotional labor, or if you sat up in and/or got out of bed.
We Are Going into a Bubble for My Adult Guitar Recital
With the help of a team of epidemiologists and many lawyers, I’m confident you’ll be able to safely watch me play “Last Nite” by The Strokes.
“New York Can Never Die!” I Say After Seeing One Show on Broadway and Rewatching Gossip Girl
I mean, it’s the concrete jungle where dreams are made of (the first time I went I was 5 and I don’t really remember it).
America’s Handling of the Pandemic or Star Wars Quote?
You are unwise to lower your defenses. / Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view. / You’re just a child with a mask.
Delta Kappa Fraternity’s COVID-Safe Procedures for Hazing You Worthless Pieces of Filth
What did you say, maggot? You’ve got “a fever”? Dude, go get that checked out right now. Brother Cody, open the window.
Simon Says for Back to School 2020
Simon says log in to the government-subsidized video conferencing system and wave at all your friends like everything is normal.
A Letter from the Missing Puzzle Piece Wedged Underneath the Television
I have narrowly avoided being chewed up by a rat, a cat, and a very aggressive pet bird. I have also developed a severe dust allergy.
Single Parent During a Pandemic or Alcoholic?
You’re in no condition to drive. But it would be even more dangerous to let your companion do it.