Pandemic | Page 16 | Points in Case

Tag: Pandemic

For unmentionables, you sure talk about us a lot. You’ve got boobs on the brain, and that’s why we’re not worried. We know you’ll come back.

How am I supposed to get people to think I’m cultured and experienced if I don’t have the selfies with European landmarks to prove it?

I’ve stayed in touch with friends by… A) Hosting non-alcoholic Zoom happy hours. B) FaceTiming an ex at 2AM. C) Spitting peas at my chum’s window.

No amount of social distancing would save you and your family from the terrifying bacterial grasps of our public pool.

Must project Buddha-like calm, possess mixologist-level cocktail skills, and know when to keep the kids out of my “home office."

If both opponents' Designated Epidemiologists agree that it will aid in player immunity, MLB will allow injections of anabolic steroids.

I eat at dawn. As soon as the sun's crescent pierces the horizon I will eat my dog chow. Or else I will go ape shit.

Knitting With Dog Hair: The three sets of socks will keep Jonathan's feet warm when he is cold and his mouth shut when he is snoring.

When do you take your mask off? A) Whenever I feel like it. I am making America great. B) Only once, to look on my son with my own eyes.

I definitely don’t lay in bed motionless, hovering between sleep and wakefulness, until finally my hungry cat comes and scream-meows in my face.

Maybe you should have married into more money because it turns out teaching IS its own job: a 2020 "In-The-Time-of-Coronavirus" jobs list.

Exercise: Speak “Let’s do this again” with conviction. Real life scenario: You’re saying goodnight to a date you expect to never see again.