Audio from the 2019 Fourth of July Fireworks Show
[BOOM BOOM] “U-S-A! U-S-A!” [BOOM] “Do you ever wonder what would happen if everyone got sick all at once, though? [BOOM] "What?"
Tag: Pandemic
Take It from Me, a Surfer, the Second Wave Is Going to Be Gnar AF!
The economy took a crazy wipeout, my grandma got straight barrelled (shred in peace, G’ma) and we had to wear those goofy masks for like weeks.
Well, I Guess You’ll Have to Wait Until Next Year to See My New Collection of Springtime Hats
If it were any other June, I too would be playing squash and basking in the sun’s rays, but this year is different.
A Day in the Life of a Hollywood Assistant in Quarantine
Charge your own phone so it is 207% charged at all times. It is important because you need to keep reminding the boss to charge her own phone.
As the Commissioner of Major League Baseball, My Job Is to Give Fans Exactly What They Want: As Little Baseball as Possible
I've been accused of only looking out for the owners, which is patently false. The products—I mean players!—are my absolute top priority
How to Explain the Pandemic to Young Children, Using Classic Picture Books
May 2020: The Tale of Peter Rabbit - Wherein we root for the villainous Mr. McGregor, because we know too well how much his backyard garden means.
Virus Solutions We Have Yet to Try
Spreading a nasty rumor about the virus - Yes, this is distasteful. Nasty, even. But lives are at stake, and we can make the virus feel unwelcome.
The Three Little Pigs During Coronavirus
The first little pig went to a boardwalk bar, met up with single pigs, and thought masks were for tree-hugging liberals and was a Democratic hoax.
Your County’s Updated Re-Opening Plan
Stage 3d: CDC advises to pick whichever conflicting news article or random blog post best matches your level of paranoia or recklessness.
It’s Time to Break Some Rules and Re-Open Hogsmeade
Remember that I couldn't get my Hogsmeade form signed while a murderer was after me, and I still snuck out for my first sip of butterbeer.
NYC Department of Health Recommended Sex Positions for COVID-19
The Bronx Bondage – Tie your partner up, and just leave them there. Nothing is hotter than the anticipation. We condone being a tease.
Veiled Muslim Woman or Woman Wearing a Face Mask During a Pandemic?
Unsure if fogless sunglasses are a thing. / Expects to walk past a construction site without being catcalled.