Pandemic | Page 24 | Points in Case

Tag: Pandemic

I scrolled through Twitter and saw a few Forrest Gump references. Why? And then the storm hit: A text from my mom, “Tom Hanks has coronavirus.”

We could brawl, and you might get off a few gunshots or blows into my ripped torso, but you can't make me take off work for two weeks.

1876, Rogaine’s Custer’s Last Stand, “Scalp Issues? We’re For You” / 2005, Maxwell House’s Hurricane Katrina, “Good to the Last Levee Drop”

And you want us to report any symptoms of the coronavirus. But, if I can’t touch the forehead, how can I check for a fever?

“Keep your friends close---actually, keep them distant, and your enemies distant too. Stay pretty much six feet away from everyone.”

We will no longer attend and slaughter gatherings of more than 500 people. We will be sanitizing our hooks daily, and of course after each murder.

Day 27 - Fingerling Potato Sandwich... Use breath to warm four remaining potatoes, rip two pieces of old Amazon box into "bread" slices.

We are adjusting our policy of requiring sick employees to come into work so we can laugh at them for being frail and weak.

Since you believe we’re immune to feelings, it only makes sense that you believe we’re immune to the coronavirus, too.

The bedroom. The native language here has more than 50 known words to mean “anxiety” and the local motto is “we’re totally fucked.”

It is a well-known fact that only the most elite acquire specific, regional, life-threatening diseases as symbols of culture and refinement.

I’d ask someone to save me from this giant octopus, but how do I know their hands aren’t contaminated?