Coronavirus or Cotton-Eyed Joe?
Known for ruining weddings Feels very repetitive, and makes it seem like you’…
Tag: Pandemic
The Decline in U.S. Birth Rate Isn’t Due to the Pandemic, It’s Due to Spider Plants
The lack of children being born is not due to Millennials having less sex, but rather the funky little houseplants known as spider plants.
Things You Can Do After You’re Halfway Vaccinated
Grab brunch with friends, but only half-listen to what they’re saying. Something about a "drinking problem" and "ruining Stacy's wedding."
Quotes from Couple’s Counseling or Tweets from Indians Criticizing Their Government?
“You’re making me gasp in bed for the wrong reasons.” “Lately, our pictures on Facebook have been less than flattering.”
Starship Captain’s Log: 30-Day Yoga Challenge
I have managed to secure access to an ancient video broadcast called a “YouTube Channel”: “Yoga With Adriene 30-Day Yoga Challenge.”
Everything I Told Brenda, Who Waxed My Bikini Line the Day I Became Fully Vaccinated
- Ah, yeah, I got Pfizer, too. - My weekend was good! Just went to the park, socially distanced. How was yours? - AGH, OUCH! Shit. No, I’m okay.
Re-Entering Society After a Year of Quarantine or After 26 Years Stuck in Jumanji?
You became very well-acquainted with someone known as the Tiger King.
An Email from HR Re: Office Improvements to Support Employees’ Physical and Mental Health Post-COVID-19
Crying Pods: 70% of employees also reported participating in, during this past year, a daily ritual of “crying my pretty little eyes out.”
Messy Woman’s iPhone Terrified of Bars Reopening
The iPhone knows it’s not “chill” to say this, but she prefers the pandemic life. She’s happier now!
I Am Bill Gates and You’re Just Not Worth the Microchips
Do you know how expensive microchips are? I didn’t become a billionaire by just going around giving away MICROCHIPS all the time!
How to Pretend You Had Friends Pre-Pandemic: A Phrasebook
“Hi!” (casual) or “Hello!” (formal): These will give the impression that you are used to greeting people and it does not frighten you.
Goblins Might Interfere with COVID-19 Vaccine Safety
Tall, blonde, and glamorous goblins with mullets, breaking out in song, will banish teenagers to bogs that smell of fecal matter, among other things.