Parents

Tag: Parents

Stimulate Your Baby’s Senses: But avoid actual stimulants, like coffee and Red Bull.

Now you’re thinking, “Wait, is that kid’s sexy childless uncle visiting from somewhere cool like Denmark?”

Just glancing at this green expanse makes me burst with joy. It is the same feeling I had on my wedding day, and on the day you were born.

You think my child is a heinous sociopath because she killed your family cat? Ever heard of formaldehyde and Damien Hirst? It's called art.

You’re always baking anyway, what's one more batch of brownies? What about 12 extra batches?

Using the mantra, “Don’t be a crazy person,” Amy has presented as a competent, securely attached parent at drop-off time.

The Airport: For domestic flights, you should wake up at 4 a.m. and drive directly to the airport, no matter what time of day the flight is.

A bank teller overeager to waive overdraft fees on my debit card in an attempt to maintain our relationship.

Your mama’s so broke she doesn’t even make cents! Which is a shame because she’s worked hard for everything in this life.

Be More Interesting Than Whatever Is On Their Screens: You do have one huge advantage over their screens: a direct and genetic link to their vanity.

Your father and I are trying to plan Hanukkah. Think you’ll be able to join us in Nazareth for the last night? You also have a birthday coming up.

I think you should ask your doctor about how your lower GI issues could be alleviated with a daily regimen of Green Crack.