I Won’t Be Trick-Or-Treating This Year Because of COVID-19, Not Because I Am a 35-Year-Old Adult Man
This would be my 32nd year trick-or-treating and my 22nd year trying to explain to my neighbors why I'm not too old to be doing so.
Tag: Parents
Socially-Conscious Activities for Gender Reveal Parties
Tear open an envelope. If you discover a dollar bill, you’re having a boy! If there’s only 81 cents inside, a girl is on her way!
15 Printed Onesies Worn by Babies Who Will Eventually Struggle to Move Up Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
25% Mommy, 25% Daddy, 25% Mommy’s Yoga Coach, 15% Daddy’s Secretary, 5% Tinder Guy Who Was Into Daddy and Daddy’s Secretary, 5% Lube, 100% PERFECT ME!
Welcome to Gnomebox, the Toddler Fashion Service with Totally Innocuous Motives!
You have a toddler; we have a dwindling supply of troops for a little ongoing altercation with neighboring trolls. Let’s help each other!
Enjoy Your “OnlyFans for Boomers” Free Trial
An alluring smile crossing his lips, he presses down, gently, on the button under his desk. Slowly, seductively, his desk rises to standing height.
Word Problems for Pandemic Weddings
If Keith's dad had to pick between his son having pre-marital sex or spreading a dangerous virus to 80 loved ones, how quickly did he choose wedding?
Letter to Shareholders of MY LIFE, Inc. Regarding Recent Lower-Than-Average Performance
Co-founders, Mom & Pop LLC: You nurtured MY LIFE from wobbly startup to self-sustaining enterprise, and you’ll agree that it has paid dividends.
Other Historic Calamities Caused by Gender Reveal Parties
World War I (1914-1918) – Bosnian-Herzegovian couple Davud and Emina give their guests blue toy guns to fire into the streets of Sarajevo.
3rd Grade Virtual Learning Schedule: Week 3, Day 4
Watch “Multiplication, Division, and YOU!” There is no link, so you, a third-grader, will need to do a Google video search and hope for the best.
How to React to an Ugly Baby
Step 1: Show your authentic surprise. When you unexpectedly encounter an infantile grotesquerie like that one over there, you will feel shocked.
Luke Skywalker’s Letter to His Father (With Help from Franz Kafka)
Franz takes issue with his dad for unsolicited career advice and "being a bit of a tyrant" (wait until he meets you, not that it's a competition).
A Year of Children’s Birthday Parties
Riker, age 2 Theme: Toy Story Drinks: Miller Lite Damage: The moms nearly caught us dads vaping in the garage.