A Day in My Life if I Was Allowed to Curse in Front of My Immigrant Family
8:15 AM: I get ready for my workday. I am dressed in a t-shirt that says “Open Letter To 'The Man': Eat Shit.”
Tag: Parents
How I Grew My Bank Account by $13 Dollars in Just Six Months!
I tried swing trading, but I guess I misunderstood what that meant, because the cops got called the second I showed up at the playground.
An Important Message from Your University President, Who Is Shocked That What Everyone Said Would Happen Is Happening
For starters, many of you have been attending parties. We told you not to do that! We thought you’d listen to us.
My Mom Ages Beautifully; I Become More Haggard by the Day
She goes to bed early, after washing her face and applying night serum. I go to bed drunk, after forgetting to brush my teeth or remove my contacts.
Hello My Name Is Inigo Montoya and, If I’m Being Completely Honest, My Father’s Death Was at Least Partly Due to Prolonged Exposure to Dangerous Sword-Making Fumes
It wasn't uncommon to come down to the breakfast table and see my father carefully spooning some of the fumes into his coffee.
You’re Invited to Join Our Exclusive Learning Pod
The secret to surviving homeschool is money. The secret to surviving pandemic parenting is also money.
Orientation for College-At-Home, According to Your Mom
Food Service: Breakfast is served from 6:12 AM to 6:18 AM. You’ll have a choice of bran flakes or bran toast.
I Won’t Be Trick-Or-Treating This Year Because of COVID-19, Not Because I Am a 35-Year-Old Adult Man
This would be my 32nd year trick-or-treating and my 22nd year trying to explain to my neighbors why I'm not too old to be doing so.
Socially-Conscious Activities for Gender Reveal Parties
Tear open an envelope. If you discover a dollar bill, you’re having a boy! If there’s only 81 cents inside, a girl is on her way!
15 Printed Onesies Worn by Babies Who Will Eventually Struggle to Move Up Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
25% Mommy, 25% Daddy, 25% Mommy’s Yoga Coach, 15% Daddy’s Secretary, 5% Tinder Guy Who Was Into Daddy and Daddy’s Secretary, 5% Lube, 100% PERFECT ME!
Welcome to Gnomebox, the Toddler Fashion Service with Totally Innocuous Motives!
You have a toddler; we have a dwindling supply of troops for a little ongoing altercation with neighboring trolls. Let’s help each other!
Enjoy Your “OnlyFans for Boomers” Free Trial
An alluring smile crossing his lips, he presses down, gently, on the button under his desk. Slowly, seductively, his desk rises to standing height.