Single Parent During a Pandemic or Alcoholic?
You’re in no condition to drive. But it would be even more dangerous to let your companion do it.
Tag: Parents
My Life as an Empty Nester, According to Concerned Family and Friends
Deep, deep down, I do miss cleaning the bathroom after my son eats Chipotle’s Super Burrito with extra queso.
A Back-to-School Reminder to Parents Who Let Their Children Go Feral
Exposed to even one feral child, as many as 22 relatively domesticated children will revert to a state of nature by mid-morning recess.
Table of Contents: Parenting and Shit (A Parenting Book)
6. Clothes and Shit -It’s a diaper and not that hard to figure out, for fuck’s sake. -Bedazzling bullshit. -Why the fuck are head holes so small?
Governor, I’m Sick of All These Double Standards
Protests are okay but I can't go to the Olive Garden because I use the breadsticks for things that are "objectionable" and "extremely upsetting?"
Is Your Child a Cactus, a Sourdough Starter, or a Dildo?
What does your child do for fun? A) Mescaline. B) Sits quietly while parents read NYT Cooking section. C) Derives enjoyment from pleasing others.
Yes, The School Is Inside an Active Volcano, But We Need to Send the Children Back In
What could be more healthy than taking a spelling test while boulders—such as the one that just flattened Senator Constantine—fall from the sky?
Toddler Tenets for Neighborhood Stick Collecting
Any stick that has touched a rotting carcass or been rotting carcass-adjacent must become part of the permanent collection immediately.
Nine Mindfulness Practices to Help You Endure Virtual Summer Camp
Attain Zen. Zen means knowing if you are smiling and crying at once, you are making a rainbow.
I Didn’t Ruin Dad’s Funeral Because I Wore My Clown Suit, I Ruined Dad’s Funeral Because No One Appreciates My Art
This is my life! I’m not a clown some of the time, Brad, I’m a clown all of the time. So what if the funeral director kicked me out?
Note to the Entitled Granola Mom Who Cut in Front of Me at the Farmers Market
I had a feeling this might happen when I laid eyes on you ruthlessly shucking corn over the big bin, your nose ring glinting sharply in the sun.
Are You Truly Ready to Ascend to Housecoat Level?
We speak here of the dowdy. The cotton-poly blend. The bland pastel floral with faux-pearl snaps. Armor worn by everyone from Nanas to Meemaws.