I’m Proud of Forcing My Father out of Retirement to Support My Career as an Influencer
I first had to ask for money after I blew most of our family’s inheritance on boat trips with Kylie Jenner’s second cousin.
I first had to ask for money after I blew most of our family’s inheritance on boat trips with Kylie Jenner’s second cousin.
Kids need to vent, and it’s likely a normal, natural response to having watched some other parent’s kid do drugs.
Is there a balcony where I can easily repledge my devotion to my true love? There simply must be a balcony.
What on earth caused you to decide that the appropriate response to this tragedy was selling your dead baby's shoes in the local newspaper?
The Globe Master pulled a tiny globe the size of a McIntosh apple from under his top hat and asked if I wanted to “go for a spin.”
HUNGER: They will want to eat something blue, but not blueberries. Blue. JOY: You managed to find food that is their favorite color!
Clients call at all hours night and day. / Spend 92% of day negotiating. / Know a lot of stuff but none of it seems to help when clients are crying.
Becoming macaroni and cheese, a lifeless foodstuff, after too many consecutive meals of macaroni and cheese. / Aneurysm upon seeing a boob on HBO.
I wish I had said that. Instead, I broke into an ugly cry and stumbled from the room, having jammed a big toe on the life-sized skeleton model.
Unfortunately, I can no longer continue in my role as Associate Proselytizer, as I disagree with many of the Company's policies and decisions.
Feel free to make your kids play Connect Four while you pound some Child Hopbandonment, my extra-high-ABV double IPA.
Facial Recognition System – Mental procedure of sorting through possible names for an acquaintance one encounters at the grocery store.