What to Do if the Little Drummer Boy Shows Up at Your Local Maternity Ward
It's confusing that this boy thinks a drum solo is an appropriate gift for anyone---let alone an infant. That’s what makes him so dangerous.
Tag: Parents
Are These Family Gifts Third-Party Seller Garbage, or Legit Holiday Treasure?
Was the Fanny Fay Fruit Cake Great Grandma Wrapped Up and Brought to Dinner from a bakery trash can or Fanny Fay Old Folks Home’s Charity Bake Sale?
A Practical Guide to Determining Who Drew Your Name for Secret Santa
We’ll start with an easy one here. Grandma probably didn’t understand the rules and went ahead and put her name on the package.
Christmas Brag Letter from Your Dickhead Neighbors, The Millers
Our eldest son, who fancies himself an art dealer of dick pics, has found his avocation stuffing pimentos into green olives. Someone's gotta do it.
I Demand You Take My Son off the Naughty List, Santa!
It pains me to think that the childhood I’ve carefully constructed for Trevin could come crashing down, all due to the ramifications of your bullying.
Santa, Please Turn All My Useless Christmas Presents into Gift Cards without My Loved Ones Noticing
My mom mailed me back my matching pajama set with a note, “Don’t bother wearing our family Christmas pajamas unless you ask for something fun."
How to Cope When a Loved One Reveals They’re a Red Hot Chili Peppers Fan
Unraveling the “why?” behind a Red Hot Chili Peppers (RHCP) fan’s devotion is critical towards correctly identifying their funk-rock condition.
Seven Mishaps at Whole Foods That, Looking Back, Were Only Partially My Fault
I didn’t mean to beat my chest and roar, causing that woman to jerk the wheel of her motorized cart into the end cap of pumpkin spice whipped topping.
“30 Under 30” Who Are Doing Just Okay
Darren McCoy, 28, Class of 2013, Has an 8-Year-Old Batman Spec Script No One Has Read.
From a Proud but Contrite Music Snob with a Secret Life to His Daughter in the Event of His Death
I need you to delete my personal Spotify account. As you browse the artists and titles in my library you will see why I need this to happen.
We Need to Discuss Your Son’s Science Fair Project, “Why Do Mommy and Daddy Use Bad Words?”
If, as his poster suggests, your child is exposed to profanity like “dysentery sh*tstream” and “apocalyptic f*ck-tato,” we need to problem-solve.
While “Saving the World” Is a Nice Hobby, Don’t You Think It’s Time to Consider Graduate School, Superman?
Aren’t you tired of people mistaking you for a bird or a plane? With some higher education, they could recognize you as a local community leader.