Baby Gifts I Registered For vs. Gifts My Baby Actually Wanted
Registered: A brand new crib with a breathable, hypoallergenic mattress / My Baby Wanted: Our dog’s bed, full of dog hair and slobbery toys
Tag: Parents
I’d Like to Have Kids, but I’m Not Sure It’s Ethical to Bring Children into a World Where Their Dad Would Be Me
I just don’t think I can morally justify knowingly bringing children into a world where their dad would be me.
8-Year-Old Going Trick or Treating, or 28-Year-Old Looking for a Good Paying Job?
You’re ashamed to be wearing something from Goodwill while everyone you know is wearing something gifted to them by their rich parents.
I’m the Adult in This Horror Movie and You Kids Better Not Be Doing Anything Supernatural in There
You’re young, your hormones are raging. All you want to do is figure out what the shadowy figure following you through mirrors is saying.
An Open Letter to Yo Momma: I’m Sorry
Looking back, I can see it was I, not yo momma, who is so dumb that I stood on a chair to raise my IQ.
Your Baby Shower Isn’t About Me—But It Should Be
We don't even know him, what if this kickass party goes to waste because your baby ends up being a loser or something?
Ruling of Judge Mom, in the Superior Court of Target, on Motion for LOL Surprise O.M.G. Doll
As a point of procedure, motions for new toys normally require a one-week notice period. See Maddy v. Mom (Safeway, 2021).
Ten Little Monkeys, the Psychological Thriller
Mama called the Doctor and the Doctor said, “If this is some sort of prank call, it’s not funny. I’m a busy doctor helping patients with real problems.”
Can You Call Back Later, Ma? I’m Whackin’ a Guy Here
Ma, you hear that? The boys say hi. They're blowing kisses too. Joe "Ice Pick" Angelini says thank you for the chicken cacciatore.
I Know This Is Your Summer Hangout, but as Your Father I Think It Would Be Much Better If I Fired up the Grill
I’ve got everything lined up so this grilling experience won’t be sullied by past mistakes. Remember the infamous Frankless Fourth of July?
Pelvic Floor Dilemmas for the Modern American Mom
You’re invited to a three-year-old’s birthday party where parents are—for some inexplicable reason—expected to join their children on the trampoline.
Thanks for Babysitting, We’re So Sorry
You’re very welcome to watch a movie, but little Olivia has chewed the arrow buttons off the remote so it will have to be the Paw Patrol movie.