Life-Threatening Situations to Mark Yourself “Safe” on Facebook
You sat in silence for 18 minutes after finding out your new barber was from Long Island, voted for Trump, and has amazing ideas for your stand-up.
Tag: Parents
If You Turn Into a Werewolf During a Parent-Teacher Conference
If you cannot make it home to your reinforced "Doom Room", attempt to run toward the nearest forest or wooded area.
Ten Classic Books Everyone Should Pretend to Read
Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare: The classic love story. It’s a famous… I want to say play? I’ve only seen the movie with Leonardo DiCaprio.
A Guide to Determining Whether You Should Take Your Child to the Emergency Room
When do I get paid again? What is your payroll schedule? Do you get paid weekly, biweekly, monthly? How close are you to your next paycheck?
This Year’s Best Picture Nominees Ranked by How Much My Son Resents My New Girlfriend
When my girlfriend tried to talk with my son, he kept referring to her as “replacement mommy” while jumping up and down pretending to be Peter Rabbit.
My Mother Watches the Oscars With Me
Oh, Christian Bale, nominated for playing a 60-year-old man with a potbelly who only thinks about himself. Your father could have played that role.
Teen Magazine Quizzes for Adults
Which teen heartthrob is the spitting image of someone you went to high school with but you can’t place? He definitely looks like someone… but who?
Rules for a Silicon Valley High School Dance in 2029
Students are not to ask the Steve Jobs hologram any questions pertaining to how much he actually did at Apple as opposed to the engineers.
What to Do When Your Second-Grader Brings Home Bad Artwork
Now that you’ve sufficiently tortured your sweet angel for the past hour, make him watch as you make your own macaroni artwork.
Escape Rooms for Adults
"Senior": You’re over 70 and must get your pills organized in that little plastic box with the SMTWTFS lids.
Victorian Courtship Etiquette That I, A Millennial Male, Am In Favor of Rekindling
Going for a Chaperoned Walk: Change this to a Chaperoned Bike Ride. I build fixed-gear bikes for disadvantaged seeing-eye dogs in my spare time.
I Just Found Out My Hot Gay Boyfriend Is Also My Twin Brother
I felt for the first time that I was seeing myself through someone else's eyes, but it turns out it was because I was seeing my twin brother.