What Your Favorite Type of Apple Says About You
Jonagold: You really want to ask your boss for a raise, but every time you think about doing it, you throw up a little in your mouth. Maybe next year.
Tag: Parents
Shakespeare’s Plays: Abridged Millennial Editions
Hamlet: Literally The Lion King without any of the lions, any of Africa, any majestic rock, or any Nathan Lane.
“Mission: Impossible Fallout” Fails to Fully Capture My Experience of Life as a White Man
I’m worried about the young white boy who watches this movie and doesn’t realize there’s pleasure in riding a helicopter that doesn’t entail gunfire.
The Lamentations of Your Forgotten Love, The Cigarette
We grew together. We have history. Does vape know that you used to slobber too much in your tween years?
This Eulogy for My Stepdad is Also a Promo for My Podcast
Making people feel connected was important to him. I think it would mean a lot to him to continue connecting with people by following us on Twitter.
A Line-By-Line Translation of a White Politician’s Spanish
Candidate: (unintelligible) Translation: Probably a profession of love for taco bowls?
The Kayak Pirate Known As Captain Manscaped Beard
Once the kayak is stolen, the Captain sells the 'yak to fund his groovy seaside summer adventures and to replenish his supply of slushy drinks.
Crossfit Funeral
D-Mo had made a lot of gains over the past year, but he still had so many gains ahead of him. I guess that’s what makes this so difficult.
8 Facts About Water Coolers That Will Wow Your Coworkers
The Office’s (U.S.) water cooler, The Avalon 3-Temperature Self-Cleaning Bottle-less Water Cooler, was personally recruited by Greg Daniels.
I’m the Protagonist of a British Rom-Com and My Dear, I’ve Been Lying to You
I can't marry you into the Dukedom of Wellington: my parents are not the Duke and Duchess of Wellington. They're the Duke and Duchess of Devonshire!
The Strange Life of a Costco Food Sample
I recently heard from Fox News that two men ages 70 and 72 fought over free cheese at a Costco in South Carolina.
A 49-Year-Old’s Thoughts While Walking the Dog
Maybe I’ll save a kid from drowning by jumping from a bridge. A local hero, on the news...wait, no one under 70 watches the news: trend on Twitter.