The Real April Fool Is My Bad Son Jerome
I bought him that can opener as a gift to use on Boy Scout trips and he mocks me by spelling swears in alphabet soup on our counter!
Tag: Parents
Honest Rules for Staying at Grandma’s House
Good manners are expected at all times. That means always saying “please,” “thank you,” and “our mother made a terrible mistake not baptizing us.”
An Asshole Tries to Fight a Fire
The jar banged off the window and now burning, fancy French grease is everywhere! Thank you Vicky! Thank you so much for closing all the windows!
Realistic Customer Memories About Toys ‘R’ Us
"But look after I beat the display game, I found my kid and bought an entire shelf of Legos out of guilt. Okay?" ---Victor Andrade (Wichita, KS)
This Year’s Best Picture Nominees Ranked by How Disappointed My Son Was That They Weren’t Peter Rabbit
Daniel Day-Lewis really brought it in Phantom Thread. What he didn’t bring were troublesome rabbits, so my son didn't care for it at all.
An Open Letter to My Parents Who are Forcing Me to Be an Amateur Standup Comedian When I Just Want to Work in Human Resources
Even though I am pursuing a stable career in human resources, please remember that I will always be your emotionally underdeveloped and insecure son.
Addressing the Allegations That I Left the Sleepover Early Because I was Afraid of the Movie
Why, if I supposedly love my mom so much, did I tell everyone, "My mom is making me come home because I have a stomachache, I hate her so much"?
A Pitch for My TV Show “Finding Bigfoot and Also My Biological Parents If We Have Time”
The show aims to capture clear and undoctored footage of Bigfoot. Also, if we run into my biological parents along the way, that'd be pretty neat, too.
Four Miraculous Tales of Survival by Young Children in Peril
Relying solely on their wits and instincts, these brave kids overcame incredible odds to survive life-threatening situations.
My Bhutanese Drama Students Want to Recreate “Son of the Mask” and I Have No Idea What to Do
How can I adapt "Son of the Mask" into a 10-minute play with a bunch of Bhutanese 13-year-olds who speak limited English?
3 Years After the Breakup, I Finally Stopped Drunk Texting My Ex’s Mom, Pam
"Pam I think Mark is at this party??" I typed as I moved in on his doppelganger. "Does he still wear the shirt I bought him 4 christmas?????"
Stan Lee’s Cameo in My Life as My Dad Has Officially Gone From “Kind of Endearing” to “Where is the Film Crew Hiding?”
The man who started out in a brief cameo appearance has quickly become a series regular in my life, and things are getting weird.