The Everyday Life of a Young Male Novelist
Once dressed, I sit at my desk and say a quick prayer to Dionysus. Then I take hold of the mighty pen and let his spirit take hold of my body.
Tag: Parents
My Son Wanted a Dog, So We Adopted Black Shuck, The Canine Harbinger of Death
Lucky, the dog I had growing up, was a living, breathing creature. Black Shuck, on the other hand, is a ghostly apparition fueled by bloodlust.
I Want to Settle Down and Get Married But I’m Trapped in the San Diego Zoo’s Rhino Cage, Okay Mom?
I do want to settle down and get married. But I'm also stuck in the San Diego Zoo's rhinoceros cage and it's way harder to meet women in here.
I Know Aliens are Real Because My Stepdad is One and I Hate Him
While I can't speak for aliens as a whole, Craxtavore, Conqueror of Worlds, is a total dick. I can't believe Mom doesn't see through his façade.
Fitbitting is Totally a Sport, Okay?
Fitbitting, isn't like any of my previous sports - it's even more demanding. A real Fitbitter would see the opportunity in every inefficiency.
For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn, Wife Says They Have to Go
I wish my kid could keep the shoes, but my wife got really annoyed about the whole "$120" thing. Happy wife, happy life, am I right?
A Sneak Peek at R.L. Stine’s Newest Goosebumps Book
Goosebumps books have captivated young readers for generations. Here's a sample from the latest entry in the beautifully written series.
10 Signs That Make Me Think My Dad Took Me to Home Depot Instead of Disney World Like He Promised
I first became suspicious of my supposed 8th birthday trip to Disney after seeing tons of balding men and refrigerators, and no sign of Mickey Mouse.
Parents Need Better Access to Affordable Child Pageants
Expensive these days, having kids and taking care of them. It's hard for parents out there without easy access to affordable child pageants.
Traveling Back in Time and Making It So I Was Never Born Has Put a Serious Strain on My Marriage
In my quest to pitch "The King of Queens" a year before Kevin James could, I accidentally interrupted my parents' first date, thus ruining my marriage.
Customer Review: Product Blew Up Grandmother
I noticed that when my grandmother powered on her MXB39FLB7 it made a series of uncharacteristic clicking sounds prior to her detonation.
5 Ways to Get Your Newborn to Fall Asleep While Dane Cook Waits in Your Living Room to Make Out
A stupid newborn baby wailing away doesn't care that you're about to make out with the King of Sting himself. Here's how to shut that brat up.